The kissing is more and more intense. Things are getting steamier by each minute. You look at each other and know that today is the day. It's happening. Your first time.

Even if this is a spur-of-the-moment decision, I bet the thought has crossed your mind before. Is this the person I wanna do it with? Excited? Nervous? Anxious but in a slightly good way? Trust me, I’ve been there, filled with a million questions: What do I do? How do I even prep for this?

Now that I've been through it, and have way more answers than I had back then - I’ll hook you up with this ultimate guide on how to make love for the first time like a pro.

Understanding the Emotional Aspect of First-Time Intercourse : 

When you look back at your first time, babe, you won’t be remembering the steps in sex or how long you went. Nope! You’ll be thinking about how it felt.

And how it feels, is so different for everyone. Maybe it’s a full-on emotional milestone moment for you, or maybe it’s more of a 'cool, I had fun' kinda vibe.  Either way, take a sec. Breathe. Check in with your feelings : before, during, and after. 

‘Virginity’ is such a loaded word, thanks to society putting way too much pressure on ‘losing it.’ But remember, no matter what you hear from whom : there’s no magical age you “should’ve” had sex by. Whether you’re a teen, twenty-something, or in your fab thirties, the right time is when you feel good and ready - not when society, your BFFs, or that influencer say it is.

There’s no deadline, no rush. Pause and ask yourself - is this what I actually want, or am I just vibing off peer pressure, society’s BS, or someone else’s pushiness? I need you to make sure that you’re the one calling the shots, and no one else.

Preparing for Your First Time: What to Know Beforehand

The first thing you need to be sure of is that you and your boo are totally in this - feeling safe, comfy, and pumped for what’s about to go down. “Okay, let’s do it” is not really the mood we’re going for. “Wow! I can’t wait to do this with you” is more of what we wanna go for.

How do you nail this? Talk, Talk and Talk some more. Talk a lot. Spill the tea on your boundaries, what’s got you hyped, what’s making you nervous, and make sure you’re both actually cool with the idea of sex. Yeah, it might feel a little awk at first, but it’s the only way to get on the same wavelength. Dive into whatever questions pop up. The more you yap, the more your nerves chill. It’ll make both of you so emotionally and physically ready.

Set realistic expectations for your first time intercourse. A lot of us, especially women, don’t hit that orgasm jackpot on their first go. Why? Because our bodies are like complex little puzzles, and figuring out what gets you off can take some time. Is it all about your clit? Or maybe it’s the combo of clitoral stimulation while you’re getting it on? You gotta give yourself the space to experiment and discover what sends you soaring. So orgasm isn’t the endgame, especially not on your first rodeo.

And - it’s not like what you see in the movies or porn. It can get awkward, messy, and honestly, downright hilarious sometimes. Like, maybe the penis keeps sliding off like it’s on a slip-and-slide, or you’re switching positions five times just to find something that feels even a little comfy. Half the time, maybe you’re just thinking, ‘OMG, I’m having sex!!!’ Understanding that your first time intercourse won’t be a perfectly choreographed scene can help take the pressure off. So instead of fixating on the ‘end goal’ - whether it’s an orgasm or some fairy-tale version of sex - jus try and have fun!

Also, I can’t stress this enough : pick a spot where you’re gonna feel totally comfy. While the location doesn’t have to be romantic (although a few candles and good music never did anyone any harm), just make sure it’s a private space where both of you can feel safe and sound. You want zero interruptions or distractions that might make you feel rushed or anxious. After all, you wanna give all your focus to your partner’s kisses - and not on who’s sneaking around the door.

A must do for your steps in sex list is protection. No ifs, ands, or butts about it. No “but our first time was spontaneous!” or “oh, we wanted our first time to be a skin to skin feeling”. Absolutely no reason allowed. Bestie, you can’t get pregnant or catch an STI from this! 

Speaking of all things on the list of ‘how to do sex first time’, you cannot forget the lubricant. But we can get to that in a bit.

Step-by-Step Guide to First-Time Intercourse : 

Alright, now that you’ve done all that talking, it’s time to get those tongues working in a whole new way!

First, begin with a lot of foreplay. Kiss. Lick. Touch the back and the inner thighs. Move your hands and tongue around them. Pull them even closer. Foreplay is an incredibly important part of sex. It gets both of you in the mood, making everything feel way more pleasurable. For the ladies, this is especially important because foreplay helps the vagina naturally lubricate, which means less friction and way more fun during penetration.

Don’t rush through this part. Taking your time with foreplay can turn the transition into intercourse into a total breeze.

Now, if you’re feeling ready to move into penetration, here’s the deal: go slow, like a fine wine. Talk it out with your partner about how it feels. How deep do you wanna go? When should you ease back? 

This is also where you experiment with lubricants. Trust me, a good lube, and loads of it is a game changer. It’ll make everything smooth and friction-free.

When it comes to picking a position, forget about the 'perfect' one. There's no one-size-fits-all here! The best position is the one that works with both of you. For first-timers, I’d totally recommend missionary or spooning; they’re fab choices because they give you both more control and make it super easy to communicate. But hey, don’t be shy! Feel free to mix it up and experiment with different positions to discover what feels best. However, reminder : just keep checking in.

And if anything feels even slightly off, don’t sweat it! It’s totally cool to pause, adjust, or take a breather. The goal here is to keep it fun and enjoyable for both of you. And if everything feels amazing - go for another round after you catch a breather ;)

Common Concerns and How to Overcome Them : 

It's normal to have a few jitters when you think of how to do sex for the first time. But don’t worry - ofc we got you : 

Pain and Discomfort:

A common worry that pops up about first-time sex is the fear of pain or discomfort.

Well, some discomfort is totally normal since your body is getting used to a whole new sensation. Slather on that lube like it’s your best friend! A generous amount can seriously cut down on friction and make penetration way more smoother. Also, don’t skimp on the foreplay - that's super important for both of you to get in the mood and feel relaxed.

Incase you start feeling any pain, no shame in slowing down, switching it up, or even hitting pause altogether for a bit.

Also, a little heads up: some of you might experience slight bleeding during their first time. This often happens because the hymen, that thin membrane partially covering the vaginal opening, might stretch or tear. But not every woman will bleed, since the hymen can also stretch or tear from non-sexual stuff like sports or using tampons. So, no worries, just keep your eyes goin’.

Performance Anxiety

If you’re feeling a bit nervous about your ‘performance’ during your first time, you’re not the only one. You might be stressing about lasting long enough, getting your partner to that big O, or just nailing it in general. But babe, remember: sex is a skill that gets better with time, just like perfecting your pasta dish. It’s okay to not get it immediately, but it’ll still be your first ever time cooking pasta and will bring a smile whenever you look back.

A great way to say tata to this pressure is by focussing on what you feel about and with your partner. Look into their eyes. Focus on how they’re pulling you closer to kiss some more. Look at how they smile. That will make you see how much your partner is into this, and forget the thought of ‘doing it correctly.

If you're concerned about reaching your climax too soon, take comfort in knowing that this is common, especially during the first few experiences. Your body is just so excited and it couldn’t wait any longer! Soak in this excitement, without fixating on timing. Enjoy the ride, however the flow takes you.

The Pressure to Lose Virginity

Virginity is hyped up like it’s some huge life checkpoint, but guess what? It's a social construct. The whole “losing” thing? Personally, to me - it sounded frustrating. Like sex is magically changing who I am. But hey, this might not be the same for you! 

Whether or not you want to put any importance on virginity is 100% up to you. Take your time, do it your way, but please don’t let society create your views on it!

Generally Anxious:

I’m very insecure about my body - and that’s why I was super anxious my first time. Someone’s going to see me naked - and I didn’t know how I felt about that.

You might be anxious for a million different reasons, but here’s the tea: talking about it can work wonders. Chat with your friends about their first experiences. Open up to your partner about what’s got you feeling jittery and what might help you chill out. My boyfriend suggested that we can keep the lights dim during our first time, to let me ease into things. He also whispered how much he loves my curves a couple of times during - to make me feel more comfortable. And that changed the game! It was only possible because I was open to him about what’s making me anxious.

Talk about what makes you anxious, and I promise - you'll feel the load weighing lesser on your chest.

Post-Intercourse Care: What to Do After Your First Time : 

Immediately after sex, please go pee. This is a little superhero move that helps flush out any sneaky bacteria trying to start a party in your urethra and keeps those pesky UTIs at bay.

Next, take a sec to clean up. No need to sprint to the bathroom or anything - just a little wipe-down with a damp towel will do the trick to help you feel all fresh and cozy again.

And hey, don’t forget to drink water. Sex is a workout, so grab that water bottle and stay hydrated, queen. 

So, now that you’re all fresh and clean, it’s time to check in with your emotions. You might feel all sorts of things - happiness, vulnerability, or even a mix of both. Now, only and only if this is your scene and mood - bring the cuddles in. I’m recommending this cause post-sex cuddles aren’t just cute - they're science. That magical little hormone, oxytocin is released, making you feel all warm, fuzzy, and connected. It’s like the universe’s way of giving you a hug after the deed.

Now’s also the perfect moment to have a little debrief with your partner. Spill the tea  - what did you both enjoy? What was the most comfortable? And how can you make it even hotter next time? Keep it open, honest, but gentle. This is a tender moment for both of you. Being kind in your convo will only make that bond tighter, and the next time steamier.

First time sex is hardly ever a flawless masterpiece, and that’s totally fine. If things didn’t go as planned or didn’t live up to the movie-level expectations, don’t beat yourself (or your partner) up! If you felt anxious or uncomfortable at any point, take a sec to think about those feelings and talk it out with your partner. Pro tip: use phrases like “I felt” instead of “you didn’t” to keep the mood positive. We don’t wanna get into blame games now, do we?

Tips for Making First-Time Intercourse More Comfortable : 

First off, remember everything we just spoke about - go slow, load up on the lube, and ditch the sky-high expectations. Let it flowww.

Oh, and before the big moment, practice slipping on that condom. Trust me, it’ll save you from those awkward “uh, what now?” moments later.

Also, always listen to your body. Always and always. Sometimes, no matter how much we want to get it on, our bodies might not get the memo! Erections, natural wetness, or relaxed muscles might decide to take a complete rain check. Forcing things when your body’s not ready can lead to discomfort or pain, and that’s not gonna be fun for anyone. So, if things don’t go as planned, that’s totally okay. There’s no ticking clock or rush to make it happen. If your body’s saying “not today,” listen to it and take the pressure off. You’ll get there when the time is right!

A key thing, and I can’t stress on this enough, is that communication isn’t just for before and after - it’s for during too. Ask your partner, “Does this feel good?” or “Are you into this?” and boom, you’re both way more relaxed and in sync. If something’s off? Speak up. If you need to stop, take a break, or try something - you’ve to tell your partner in real time.

A great way tip on ‘how to make love for the first time’ list is guiding each other. Place their hands where you want. Ask them to show you how they wanna be touched. A little hands-on direction can turn the heat up and make it feel more personalized, especially if either / both of you are new to this!

Another tip that has worked great for my friends is making yourself feel sexier. Now, why do I say this? The sexier you feel - whether it’s in lingerie or a perfume, the more you enjoy and let go. You know you look like a snack, and your anxiety starts taking a backseat. This isn’t about looking nice for your partner, it’s about feeling sexier for yourself.

And after sex, just take a moment to be together. Whether you’re cuddling, sharing a snack, or lying in silence, the post-sex connection is a really special time. You don’t need to jump out of bed right away, just bask in the glow of what you just felt.

I think I’ve told you everything that I would’ve loved to know before my first time. But here’s my final reminder babe - There’s no right or wrong way to do it. As long as you’re comfortable and safe, you’re golden.

And hey, once you’re ready to explore more, don’t shy away from adding some spice! Try introducing a vibrator or other fun sex toys to make things even more exciting. And remember, a good water-based lube is always a game-changer—keeping things smooth and enjoyable for both of you. Happy exploring!

Also, check out our blogs on understanding slow sex and our beginners guide to pegging to improve your knowledge of sexual health.

FAQs on ‘how to do sex first time’ : 

Is it normal to feel nervous about having sex for the first time?

Absolutely! Feeling a little jittery is totally normal. Just remember, you're not alone; everyone feels a bit anxious before diving in.

How can I reduce discomfort during my first time?

Use plenty of lube, take it slow, and communicate with your partner. Foreplay is your bestie here.

Should I use protection during my first time?

Heck yes! Protection is a must to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STIs.

What should I expect during my first time?

Expect a mix of excitement, nerves, and maybe a few giggles! It’s likely to be a bit awkward and not like the movies, but that's part of the fun. 

Does the first time hurt for everyone?

Not everyone experiences pain, but some discomfort can be normal as your body adjusts. If it hurts, slow down and communicate with your partner - there’s no rush

How long should foreplay last before the first time?

There's no strict timeline, but take your time with foreplay. Minimum of a good 20-30 minutes can really help both partners feel more aroused and ready for what’s next.

What should I do if I feel pain during intercourse?

If you feel pain, don’t hesitate to speak up. Slow down, change positions, or even take a break. Communication is key, and you should always prioritize comfort.

Is it normal to feel awkward during your first time?

Oh, for sure! It’s totally normal to feel a bit awkward—it happens to everyone. Just lean into the experience, laugh it off, and enjoy the journey together!

What’s the best position for first-time intercourse?

Missionary and spooning are fab choices for first-timers since they allow for more control and communication. But don’t be afraid to experiment and find what feels best for both of you!

.About the Author:

Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.