So you’re thinking about bringing a little extra pizzaz into the bedroom with a toy? Yaaas! Honestly, it’s been the best decision of my life. It took my cute Netflix-and-chill to full-on cinematic experience, ya know? and I can guarantee you’re going to feel the way too!

You’ve just started thinking about it. Your clit is turned on by the thought of how this might feel. But, umm, you’ve not even spoken to your partner about it. How do you even begin?

Try something super chill to begin with. “Hey, so I had this wild idea… what if we tried a toy? What do you think?” Boom! You’re just sliding it in casually - no big speeches, just a little “What if?” and a wink. This will make your partner feel that you’re simply sharing what you’re thinking, which brings you close - regardless of how the conversation goes after that.

If your guy gets slightly weirded out - babe, know that it's because patriarchy has done our boys so dirty. Being able to solely fully satisfy their woman is such a huge part of their masculinity, that toys come off as a competition. “Oh, so I don’t satisfy you enough” is what has been ingrained in their pretty little heads. You’ve to slowly, and steadily keep talking about it. Tell them how a toy is just Beyoncé to your Jay-Z - it’s a collab, not a replacement. It’s a solid pro max team up!

Talk to him about all the crazy benefits toys will bring to both of you. Tell them how toys will help both of you explore whole new levels of pleasure, with sensations you didn’t even know were on the menu. Tell him how toys will make the communication between you better. Yep, when you explore together, it opens up those convo doors about what feels good and what doesn’t. They also spice up your routine, breaking you out of the same ol’ same ol’ and making every night, making it a new adventure. Plus, they can be super handy for those days when life gets busy; a toy can help keep the passion alive even when you’re short on time. Show them what a full on relationship glow up deal this can become!

Still a bit of side-eye from them? We can tiptoe into this. You can start with a lil’ something small - like a very non intimidating toy or even a cute lil’ blindfold to bring out the suspense! There’s no rush to bring in the big leagues if you’re just dipping your toes in. “Let’s try something super low-key and see how it goes?”

I was speaking to a friend and she told me that when her boyfriend was down for it, they actually did a scroll sesh together! They got online, had the heartiest laughs at all the wild options available (seriously, some of those things look like they’re from space). They actually didn’t finalize anything that day, but it brought them so much closer, was a night to remember and made her boyfriend comfortable with the thought a little more.

And listen, babe, this convo is not one-and-done. Leave that door open and let the idea marinate. Let them sit on it for a while. There’s no rush or pressure for getting into this - and make sure your pretty partner knows that. Let him know that if he feels it’s not his thing, y’all can laugh on it and move on. No biggie. (I can almost guarantee it won’t go down that way after you try it together though). Make it clear that all you want is a good time for both of you, exploring together, and laughing your way through whatever you decide. Assure him that his tongue is no match to anything, you just wanna add more magic to the fab time you already have every night.

By now, your partner should mostly be okay with at least giving it a shot. You can now check in about the specifics of the kind of toy you wanna bring to your bedside table.

1. Do you prefer something external, internal, or a mix of both for our first time?
2. Are there any particular toys you've heard about or seen that interest you?
3. What colors or designs do you find appealing in a toy?

This is a fun one that I asked my boyfriend way after our first time - but you can try : What would your ultimate toy look like if you could design it? This might act like a chill time, the way my friend’s laughter night after internet options went! Regardless, it definitely helps make comfort levels better - because the more you talk about something, the easier it feels for you.

I also really recommend shopping with them. This is a sureshot way of making sure that you’re both comfortable with the feisty frnd you’re gonna bring in. While you pick this friend, you can whisper naughty things to each other. You can talk about how you can’t wait for this new adventure.

Once you have the sex toy in your hand, don’t hit the bed (or whichever place you please) immediately. Here are the conversations that you still need to be on the same page about :

1.  Are there any specific areas of your body that you’d like to explore more?
2. What are your thoughts on using toys during foreplay versus during intercourse?
3. Do you want to incorporate a toy during solo play too, or just for us together?
4. Are there any fantasies or themes you’d like to explore with a toy?
5. How do you feel about experimenting with role play or scenarios using a toy?

Now that you’ve an idea of the hot times your partner is expecting, double check on all consent and emotional levels.

1. How do you want me to check in with you during our playtime to make sure  you’re feeling good?
2. What boundaries would you like to set around using a toy? Are there any hard limits or deal-breakers for you?
3. How can I best support you if you feel uncomfortable at any point during our experience?
4. What’s our safe word or signal to stop if something feels off?
5. How can we keep the conversation going about what we enjoy or want to try  after using a toy?
6. Ultimately, do you feel ready and excited to explore this together, or would you prefer to wait until you’re more comfortable?

P.S : You can totally ask these questions before you even snag the toy, but trust me, once you’ve got it in your hands, the real convo magic starts. Suddenly, you can be wayyy more specific: you know exactly where you wanna use it, and you’ll get a feel for whether you’re really ready to dive in or want to take it slow. But hey, if it vibes better for you to chat all this out before deciding on the toy, then do it that way! Swap the script! The goal here? Do whatever keeps things fun, comfy, and oh-so-you.

Make sure you’re sharing your answers too, babe! Even if you’ve been down the toy road before, whether solo or with someone else, this is a first with him. He deserves to know where you’re coming from just as much as you deserve to know his side of things.

Now that you’re all set, I wanted to let you in on one final thing : Our sexy sex toy friends are waiting for your hands to be on them just as badly as you wanna bring it to your bed. Go get ‘em!

Adding Sex toys, water based lube, and vibrators can redefine intimacy by introducing new sensations and building stronger connections. The thrill couple massager, our latest launch, is designed for shared pleasure, blending external and internal stimulation seamlessly. Pair it with lube for the ultimate comfort and excitement, creating unforgettable experiences together!

Also, check out our blogs on Understanding slow sex and what is a kink and its types to improve your knowledge of sexual health.

About the Author:

Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.