I’ll admit it - I’m picky about the guys I date. I’ve got my non-negotiables down and my boundaries locked tight. But my girls? Oh, they love a good red flag parade. They’ll date a walking caution sign and still ignore my “NO” screams from the sidelines.
If you’re the one diving headfirst into trouble - or you’ve got friends who treat dating like a season of ‘Survivor: Toxic Island.’ This one’s for you.
Firstly, how do you build relationships that don’t feel like chaos on replay? How do we ensure that both of you don’t put up a red flag circus for each other?
Show gratitude:
Gratitude is basically the OG love potion. When you throw a little “thanks, boo” or drop a random “you’re the best” text, it’s like hitting the jackpot on the feels slot machine. The more you gas your partner up, the more they’ll want to gas you up back. This creates a thank-you spiral of epic proportions. Toss out compliments like confetti, or even just say, “Dang, I’m lucky to have you.”
Yap a lot:
Carve out some spill-the-tea time for just talking endlessly. Dive deep into what makes each other tick. Hopes? Wild dreams about owning a llama farm? A very recently developed fear of spiders? A new recipe you tried? Share it all. Plans and characters evolve, and staying synced keeps things fresh, exciting, and totally swoon-worthy. Trust me, there’s always more to love when you keep peeling back those layers.
Cherish the mushy & messy parts:
At first, it’s all about looking like your best, sparkliest self, but after the supposedly ‘honeymoon phase’ is over? That’s when the cracks start to show. But tbh, I think it’s also where the magic happens.
When someone lets you peek behind the curtain of their fears and insecurities, don’t mess it up with jokes or shady comments. Instead, be their biggest cheerleader and show them they’re safe with you.
“Don’t you wanna judge me just a little bit?”
“Not my Style”
Remind them you’re in their corner no matter what. Remind them that vulnerability isn’t a weakness and you’re glad that they could finally share this with you.
Ask for help when you need it:
When you reach out for support, whether it’s a vent session or help assembling that IKEA nightmare - you’re not just solving your problem; you’re giving the other person a chance to step up and be there for you.
And it’s a two-way street. By being real about your needs, you’re setting the current that they can do the same when life gets messy. Teamwork makes the dream work, baby.
Communicate openly:
Your partner isn’t a superhero with mind-reading powers (unfortunately), so if you need something, speak up, babe. What’s bugging you? What lights you up? What is your heart craving? The secret sauce here is specificity. Don’t just say, “I’m upset.” Why are you feeling that way?
Start these convos early in your relationship. Lay the foundation for an honesty palace.
But remember honesty ≠ criticism. Ditch the finger-pointing and shady tones, and keep it constructive. Instead of “You’re so lazy,” try “I love you, but I feel overwhelmed when the house is messy. Can we figure something out together?” See? Same message, way less drama.
Ask open-ended questions to keep the dialogue flowing. Think, “How do you feel about this?” or “What’s your take on what we can do better?” You’ll be unlocking deep, meaningful convos faster than you can say, “Tell me more.”
Fight fair:
Conflict is a double-edged sword. It can either turn your bond into unbreakable steel or leave you with emotional shrapnel. And here’s the trick: if you fight fair, conflict does become an opportunity to make things better.
Pro tips for fighting fair:
- Cool your jets first- Take a breather before you dive in; nobody solves anything when they’re all fire and tornado.
- Use “I” statements like a pro- Say, “I feel hurt when you…” instead of “You always…” Blame games? Not cutesy, not demure, not mindful.
- Stick to the topic- No dumping every past grudge into one convo. Keep it to this issue, not the 2018 potato chips fiasco.
- Attack the problem, not each other - Criticize the behavior, not the person. You like them, remember?
- Own your oops- If you messed up, just say it. A heartfelt “I’m sorry” works wonders and shows you’re not here to play the blame game. Accountability is a major relationship goals territory.
- Keep it calm- If things get heated, pause, take some deep breaths, or even call a timeout. A cool-off break can save you from saying something you’ll regret (like throwing shade about their snoring habits).
- Not everything gets solved, and that’s okay- Some issues are like glitter, you can’t fully get rid of them. The key is figuring out what you can live with and what’s a dealbreaker. Differences make you unique, not enemies.
- No burying the beef - Ignoring conflicts doesn’t make them disappear; it just turns them into ticking time bombs. Face them head-on with love, respect, and a dash of humor where you can.
My favourite prank is this one, fyi:
Embrace your differences:
Think about it - if you were both exactly the same, how boring would that be? Your quirks, strengths, and weaknesses are like puzzle pieces that fit together to make your relationship uniquely yours.
Instead of getting stuck on what sets you apart, flip the script and focus on how your differences complement each other. Maybe one of you is all about big-picture dreaming, while the other slays at the details. Power couple energy, right?
Make it a habit to celebrate what the other person brings to the table and actually listen to their perspective. It might surprise you or even inspire a light bulb moment. Relationships are never about finding your clone; they’re about dancing with someone who makes the whole dance way more exciting.
Healthy boundaries 101:
Don’t wait until someone stomps on your line in the sand. Share your boundaries upfront.
You might wanna lock in your personal time; “Love ya, but tonight’s for me, my PJs, and a binge sesh.” Or, it can be a financial boundary - “Are we splitting every time or taking turns?” And ofc, you cannot forget sexual boundaries, only and only do what you’re both comfy with.
But hey, life happens, and sometimes you don’t realize where your limits are until someone crosses them. When that happens, speak up. Be clear, calm, and confident about what’s not okay.
And remember, people don’t always shout them from the rooftops on day 20, so pay attention to subtle cues. Ask questions if you’re unsure. “Hey, what do you need from me?” is such a power move. It’s respect and care rolled into one.
Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges. So own yours, respect theirs, and watch your relationship thrive.
Like really listen:
When you’re genuinely tuned into what your partner is saying (no distractions, no scrolling), it makes them feel heard, valued, and understood.
The easiest way to do it is little, tiny cues of acknowledgment. Throw in a “Mhmm” or “I hear you.”And if they’re venting about a tough day? Mirror their feelings with something like, “Sounds like work is really getting to you right now.”
Also, don’t forget to read their body language. If they’re looking off, maybe check in with, “Are you okay? What’s on your mind?”
Have a whole lotta fun:
You gotta add some bangers to keep it fresh. Don’t just work on it, have fun with it! Go on random adventures, try out new things, or just chill in new ways. Think of spontaneous dates, surprise trips, and quirky activities that’ll have you both saying, “That was so worth it.”
And no, surprises don’t need to be big or bougie! Whip up their fav meal, grab a snack they love, or just hit them with a random ‘I gotchu icecream’. Bring a smile.
So, you’ve ticked all the boxes and played by the rules - boundaries, communication, and all that jazz. But how do you really know you’re in a good relationship? Like, the kind that makes your heart feel full and your life feel lighter, not like you’re carrying emotional baggage through an airport.
A solid relationship isn’t just about doing the right things; it’s about how those things make you feel.
You’re cool with (respectful) disagreements:
Healthy relationships aren’t about never arguing, they’re about arguing right. You should feel safe sharing what’s bothering you without worrying about drama or someone needing to "win.” And hey, it’s completely okay to agree to disagree, as long as both of you feel safe doing so.
Keep your relationships and hobbies alive & thriving:
Your partner isn’t your entire world (and they shouldn’t be). Keep up with your BFF group chats, and meet your girls for margaritas. Take up the dance and pottery classes. When you’re thriving in your own world, you bring all that glow back to your relationship. Nothing’s hotter than two whole people adding to each other’s world in the best way possible, and not completely being it!
You’re your own shine:
No one, not even your soulmate, can magically fill your happiness cup. That’s your job, babe.
Of course, you support each other, but your happiness doesn’t hinge on them.
A healthy relationship is when you own your self-esteem and take charge of your joy. It takes the pressure off your partner to “complete” you.
And guess what? That makes you even stronger as a couple because you're choosing to be together, not clinging to each other for emotional survival. Together, you’re unstoppable, but apart, you’re still absolute icons.
Now that you’ve soaked it all in - what uuu waiting for? Go on, share this with that one friend who’s overdue for a major reality check!
Relationships aren’t just about emotional connection—they’re about spicing things up in the bedroom too. Don’t shy away from exploring with sex toys, water based lube, and vibrators to keep the spark alive. Whether it’s adding a playful edge or building intimacy, these little additions can turn up the heat and make your time together unforgettable. Plus, exploring each other’s desires shows trust, curiosity, and a commitment to making things exciting!
Also, check out our blogs on Understanding slow sex and what is a kink and its types to improve your knowledge of sexual health.
About the Author:
Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.
