Listen up, ladies and gentlemen- mostly gentlemen. We know a lot of you are looking for love, and that also means that a lot of you are getting rejected. And if anyone understands rejection and singlehood-ness, it’s Aunt Sassy (that’s why all the massagers, duh), but here’s the thing, men: if a woman rejects you, she still deserves to be respected. Just because a woman rejects you and then ceases to be nothing in relation to you doesn’t mean she isn’t a human being worthy of respect. What we’re trying to say is: stop respecting women only because they mean something to you, whether that’s in a familial way or they’re your partner or you simply like them; start respecting women because they mean something. PERIOD. (And if your response to this blog is: Aunt Sassy, are you on your period? You should really be reading this). 

Look, Aunt Sassy isn’t here to attack you. In fact, like most things, this is a societal and patriarchal problem. From childhood, we are taught to respect men because of what they mean to society- breadwinners, nation builders, etc.- and women because of what they mean to the domestic space, to us. We’re taught to respect mothers, sisters, sisters-in-law, and wives, and should anyone disrespect them, it’s a huge insult. That’s why (and pardon Aunt Sassy’s French here) the insults of moth*r f*ck*er, m*d*rch*d, b*h*nch*d, and their various variations across languages are so popular because they are horrible insults; they are possibly some of the worst things you can call someone. Because how dare you insult someone’s mother, someone’s sister?! And while that may seem like a noble thing, the problem is that it shouldn’t be how dare you insult someone’s mother or sister, it should just be: how dare you insult someone? 

Women are more than what they mean in relation to you and they deserve to be respected as people. So, if you’re still a little confused or think this is the right blog to share with people in your life, read on because Aunt Sassy’s class is in session and today’s topic is: How to respect women (especially those who aren’t related to you). 

Be gender-blind. See women as people

This may sound like an obvious point but it’s an important one. You’d never see your father just as the job he does right? You’d also see him as your father, as a friend to his friends, and as all the other wonderful qualities he has. Similarly, see women the same way. See them for everything they have and you will start seeing them as standalone people. They will no longer be defined as your mother, your sister, your wife, etc. In your eyes, they will and should become people. That’s how you make sure you’re putting in a conscious effort to respect them. 

Do away with hypotheticals

A lot of the time, people lack empathy for a stranger’s situation until they contextualize it to their life. And that’s very normal. We feel more empathy for a disabled person when we think about having that disability. But too often, women’s sufferings are contextualized to think of them in relation to us. For instance, suppose you and your friends are talking about some girl, and some of the guys start to say some really inappropriate things about her body. Now, no one is taking offense because she’s just a random girl.

But let’s alter the situation slightly: suppose now they’re talking about your sister. All of a sudden, you’re offended, right? You wouldn’t let them say all those horrible things? And while we’re glad you understand now, that is also the problem. Why should a woman only be respected because she’s some man’s sister or some man’s someone? Why can’t she be respected because she is a person with feelings? Once you start to see the difference and act upon bridging it, you’ll earn the respect of a lot of women! 

Listen to women, REALLY listen 

Say your mother is complaining to you about how your father dirties the kitchen whenever he cooks, or say she’s ranting about how no one helps her keep the house tidy. Listen to her, but not just in the context that she is your mother. Try not to get defensive and yell that you do your best and you're stressed about xyz. Listen to what she’s really saying to you as a person, not as a homemaker or within the duties of a mother. In this example, she’s saying she’s tired and wants people to help her more. Similarly, extend this to every woman you meet. Don’t be quick to label their problems as “women's” problems. Sometimes, they will be things specific to women, but most times, there will be an underlying universal message.

Hold other men accountable 

Now that you know how to be more respectful to women, not just to those in your orbit, it’s important to extend your knowledge toward those around you. If they’re speaking disrespectfully about a woman, ask them to be kinder and suggest it not in the usual way of “What if she was your sister?” but instead, gently urge them to think of the woman as a person in her own right. Ask yourself why is it that most men won’t let their sisters date their friends; ask yourself if you fall in the same category, and if you do, then know you’re not in the company of men who respect women. You can try to change them but if they don’t, it might be better to find new friends. And if you’re an influence on any young boys around you, do your best to raise them as kind, gentle men whose definition of a gentleman isn’t just someone who holds the door for a woman but is someone who respects all women, irrespective of what they mean to him. 

Look, chances are that in the back of your mind, you already knew all these things. And all you needed was Aunt Sassy to nudge you in the right direction. Remember that you are a person capable of doing a lot of good and that by just reading this blog, you’ve taken a step in a wonderful direction. So go on and be the man all women dream of, because no matter a woman’s sexuality, she always appreciates a man who is truly respectful! 

Now that you know the importance of respect, you may also want to check out How Important Is Sex to a Woman? to understand another key aspect of what matters to her.

Author Bio:

Vidisha is a screenplay writer who also loves writing the occasional blog. She's smitten by all things funny, sassy, and creative. And has the penchant for cracking the odd joke. She also wrote this bio.