Confession time: I once Googled “Can you love two people at the same time” after a very messy situationship. Spoiler alert: the answer wasn’t just a “yes” - it was a resounding “YES!”

It felt like I’d stumbled onto this secret menu of love lives where people were not only making it work but thriving. And, honestly? It made me question everything I thought I knew about romantic relationships. If love and attraction don’t have to be limited, what else have I been getting wrong?

That’s what your next couple of minutes are going to be about - exploring the full buffet of relationship options, unpacking the myths, and figuring out what might actually work for you. So, whether you’re poly-curious, non-monogamy-skeptical, or just here for funsies, let’s dive in.

What’s Polyamory? Let’s break it down for the Curious Cats

Polyamory is basically the relationship version of "Why settle for one ice cream flavor when you can have the whole sundae bar?" It's a consensual, ethical, and non-monogamous setup where people have romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time. Imagine juggling multiple crushes, but make it glowy because everyone’s in on the fun. A whole lotta love, communication, and of course, wild times. 

It’s not one-size-fits-all, though. It’s a buffet of love, where everyone’s plate looks a little different. Here’s how polyamory really plays out aka its juicy structures:

• Polyfidelity: This is like an exclusive VIP club for members only but for relationships. Everyone in the squad agrees to keep it within the group, with no sneaky dates or secret hookups outside the crew. Inner circle only.
• Triad (aka Throuple): Three people dating each other. It's like a cute love triangle but with, a plot twist, no one's left out of the party.
• Quad: Same vibe as a triad but with four people. It’s giving double dates forever.
• Vee (or “V”): One person dates two people who don’t date each other—a love letter to the classic "your drama, not mine" energy.

Polyamory is powered by communication, consent, and honesty. Everyone’s on the same page, and no one’s left guessing.

If love is what you make of it, polyamory is the way to go!

What is Monogamy? 

Monogamy is the classic, old-school, "it’s just you and me, babe" with a heart emoji. It’s about having one partner at a time, whether that’s for roses, sexy times, or emo days.

Most relationships today are monogamous by default. It’s the blueprint for what many people imagine when they think of “couple goals.” For centuries, it’s been the top-tier relationship style in many societies, often linked to everything from religion to social stability. Basically, it’s been running the show for a reason - it’s tried, tested, and still a classic!

Monogamy keeps it simple and focused. With just one person to pour your time, energy, and love into, it can feel super intimate and secure. No need to juggle schedules or navigate boundaries with multiple people - it’s just you two against the world.

What is Non-Monogamy? 

Non-monogamy is the big umbrella term for any relationship where multiple romantic, sexual, or intimate connections are in play at the same time. We’re talking about ethical non-monogamy (ENM) - the kind where everyone involved knows what’s up and gives their thumbs-up to the arrangement. So, if you’re picturing sneaky texts and secret hookups, that’s still cheating, not ENM.

Let's clear up the most common mix-up first, bestie: an open relationship ≠ polyamory.

An open relationship is when you have the freedom to do a little licking here and a lot of kissing there. In an open relationship, you and your partner agree that it’s cool to hook up with other people, but the emotional intimacy stays solidly between the two of you.

Polyamory is where things go deeper. It isn’t just about physical connections - it’s about opening your heart, too. Dating, flirting, true romantic relationships, and yes, even falling in love with multiple people are all on the table. Polyamory says, “Why stop at one love story when you can have a whole anthology?”

Open Relationships vs. Monogamous Relationships 

A lot of people think open relationships and monogamous ones are miles apart. But truly, for a moment, sit and think about this.

Both open and monogamous relationships run on the same essentials: killer communication, trust, and mutual respect. In both setups, you’ve got to be real about your needs, desires, and boundaries - because if you’re not talking, you’re probably not thriving. The ultimate goal in both setups is feeling loved and supported. The only catch is that people experience love differently, so one size definitely doesn't fit all.

And here’s one really cool way to look at open relationships: they totally squash the myth that love and attraction are limited. They embrace the idea that emotional intimacy can be abundant without taking away from what you’ve got with your main love interest. More love? More connection? Yes, please!

Types of Relationships Across the Spectrum

Open and polyamorous relationships are definitely not the only ways people vibe in their love lives. Relationships are super fluid, and there’s a whole spectrum of setups that can work depending on what feels right for you and your partner(s). Whether you’re into exclusivity, flexibility, or something in between, there are plenty of options.

Monogamish:
This one's for those who love the idea of monogamy but still crave some extra flexibility. It’s monogamy with a dash of freedom. In a monogamish setup, the main focus is on one primary partner, but there’s room for some casual or occasional hookups with others. It’s not full-on open relationship, but it's not strictly ‘one partner forever’ either. Mostly monogamous, with just enough wiggle room to keep things spicy. Perfect for people who want to add a little extra without diving into full-on poly.

Relationship Anarchy:
Relationship anarchy is like tossing the traditional rulebook right out the window. There are no predefined rules, labels, or expectations. You decide how each relationship works. No hierarchies, no obligations. It totally rejects the “society says this is what love should look like” mood and lets you craft something that fits your needs. Romantic relationships aren’t seen as superior to platonic ones, and sex or love doesn’t have to be a part of the equation. Everything’s fluid, and the priority is to value relationships based on what feels right, not what’s expected.

Asexual Relationships:
Who said you need all the licking and kissing to have a solid connection? Asexual is usually a person who doesn’t feel sexual attraction. But wait - this doesn’t mean they’re not all in for deep emotional intimacy and a romantic relationship. A cozy cuddle sesh, heart-to-heart convos, or simply being there for each other? For some, that’s as intimate as it gets. Asexuality is a spectrum, and relationships in this realm are just as meaningful, loving, and special as any other. 

Casual Relationships:
And of course, we can’t forget the no-strings-attached MVPs of the dating world - casual relationships. Keeping things chill. Maybe it’s a hookup, maybe there are some romantic candles, or maybe you’re just some good old hangouts. The key? Lay it all out from the start. Nobody wants to catch feels when the vibe check was just supposed to be tacos and Netflix. Casual doesn’t mean careless, so set those boundaries and keep it drama-free.

Open Sexuality in Relationships 

Okay, here’s the tea: there’s NO rush when it comes to figuring out your sexuality. It takes time, and part of that means exploring what you’re into. But yeah, things can get a little messy if you’re in a super committed, especially monogamous relationship and suddenly start questioning your sexuality.

You’re definitely not alone in this. It’s totally normal to wonder about your desires. But yeah, it can throw a curveball. “Wait, am I into something else right now?” Your partner might feel like they got hit with a plot twist and be a little confused (valid, TBH), but here’s the thing: your relationship is not doomed. You can work through this, fam. 

So, how do you spill the tea without it getting all awkward? First things first: you gotta create a space where you both feel safe to talk it out, no judgment, no rush. Let them know that this is about YOU, not them. I know, I know, it sounds like a total cliche, but trust me, you need to have a no-cap filter here. The more chill and honest you are about it, the easier it is for them to be open to your experience. 

Look, we’re in a time when more people are exploring non-traditional relationship stuff and understanding that not everything works for everyone. Changing the relationship dynamic mid-way? Yes, that’s a lot to unpack. But if you’re both down to grow together, it could actually bring you closer. Sometimes it can go left, and things can get a lil’ messy. But there’s nothing that you cannot figure out.

Whether you end up taking a break, restructuring the whole relationship, or just having a deep convo with your partner, the most important thing is to keep it real and honest. Honesty is the best policy. Keep it 100, always. 

How to Decide What Works for You 

Open relationships aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. I mean, it’s easy to be curious about the idea and assume that it’s one of the ‘cool, trendy’ ways of living - but there's a big difference between being intrigued and actually making it work in your relationship. So how do you figure out if it’s for you?

First, hit yourself with some real talk: Are you the kind of person who can fall in love with more than one person? And, more importantly, can you handle the idea of your partner getting frisky with someone else? This is where things get tricky. Just because you're into the idea of exploring doesn’t mean you’re necessarily cool with your partner doing the same thing. If the thought of them getting it on with others makes you want to throw hands, then, yeah... maybe open relationships aren’t your jam. 

Once you've got your sexual and romantic values figured out, time to check your communication game. Are you good with tough convos? Because open relationships require mad communication.

Think about your values, any attachment stuff you might need to work through, and how you’d handle those feels if they pop up. Just because you’re into open relationships doesn’t make you some emotional wizard, lol. You’ll need to be able to handle a bit of discomfort - because, spoiler alert, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. No one said being in an open relationship is smooth sailing from day one. Jealousy can absolutely still exist in open relationships. In fact, jealousy is part of the deal and something you’ll need to confront if you want to make it work.

One of the most important things to keep in mind is that ethical non monogamy is not a magic wand for all the issues in your relationship. Just adding extra people into the mix won’t make your problems vanish, sorry to burst that bubble. ENM should never be a Band-Aid for deeper issues. If there are cracks in the foundation, adding more layers won’t fix them. Be real with each other about whether ENM truly fits both of your needs, instead of using it to dodge what’s actually going on.

Relationships are like curating your dream playlist. It’s different for every single person - and the only criteria is that you should be moving your bum on the tunes and smiling. Just remember, to keep it 100% honest with yourself and your partner. Whether you're sticking to the classics or spicing things up with today’s remixes, make sure that everyone feels seen and respected. Take your time, try different vibes, and enjoy the ride - because that’s where the real magic’s at. Love, your way, always!

Exploring new relationship dynamics can be exciting, but so can enhancing intimacy with the right toys. Whether you’re monogamous or polyamorous, introducing sex toys like vibrator or adding water-based lube can elevate your connection and pleasure. Check out our collection for ideas to spice things up!

Also, check out our blogs on Understanding slow sex and what is a kink and its types to improve your knowledge of sexual health.

 FAQs on Monogamy and Non-Monogamy Relationships: 

What is the difference between polyamory and non-monogamy?

Polyamory is about loving more than one person at once, emotionally and sexually. Non-Monogamy is the big umbrella term that includes poly, open, and everything in between!

Can a monogamous person have a relationship with a polyamorous person?  

If you're both in it and wanna give this a shot - you can totally do it! However, navigating a poly relationship with someone who is a monogamous person might be something you’d want to carefully tread on.

How do I know if I’m polyamorous or monogamous? 

Ask yourself: Can I love more than one person? Or do I just want my person through all the ups and downs? You can also experiment around to see how these setups feel. Don’t put a timeline, figure out what feels good for you in your own way!

What are the rules of open relationships? 

The number one rule is honesty and a whole lotta convos. Things get tough when more than one person is involved, so build a relationship that has no sneaky stuff at its foundation.

Is polyamory about sex or love? 

It’s definitely more about love. Poly’s about forming deep emotional intimacy with multiple people, not just getting your rocks off.

Are non-monogamous relationships healthier than monogamous ones?  

Both setups can be fab if there’s trust, respect, and solid A1 communication. It depends on how you navigate through your relationships - and not the type!

What are the challenges of being in an open or polyamorous relationship?

Jealousy, miscommunication, and balancing all the feels, and the people. But hey, if you’re open and real, you can totally work through it!

About the Author:

Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.