Everyone thinks about sex often and how can we not? References to sex are everywhere–from the overt condom ads to the slightly more subtle deodorant ads to the TV shows we watch, the music we consume, and the books we read. It almost seems like sex makes the world go round and while it does literally make the human world, sex is celebrated and spoken about all the time. So it only follows that sex would be on your mind a lot, right? Well, right and wrong. Yes, sex can take up your thoughts but when you have uncontrollable sexual thoughts, urges, and desires to the extent that it is disrupting your daily life, then chances are that you are hypersexual. 

Now, don’t jump to any conclusions just yet. This is a rather intense conversation and Aunt Sassy intends to do it right. So, let’s really understand hypersexuality, starting with answering the question–are you hypersexual?

Are you Hypersexual?

Okay, let’s try to answer a bunch of questions. Simple yes or no. Ready?

1. Do you often experience intense sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors that take up a lot of your time and feel difficult to control?
2. Are you addicted to masturbation, porn, or sex?
3. Do you feel driven to act on sexual urges, through acts of masturbation/sex and experience relief afterward, but also feel guilt or regret?
4. Have you tried unsuccessfully to reduce or control your sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors?
5. Do you use compulsive sexual behavior as a way to cope with feelings of loneliness, depression, anxiety, or stress?
6. Despite facing serious consequences, such as the risk of STIs, and relationship issues, do you continue to engage in problematic sexual behaviors?

If you’ve answered yes to all or most of these, chances are you are struggling with hypersexuality. Please remember that Aunt Sassy is not a medical professional and to get a clear diagnosis, you should consult a medical professional who can treat you and help you live a hypersexuality-free life because that’s the thing about this disorder, it is treatable! And before you begin to perhaps beat yourself up for being a sex addict, let’s look at what can really cause it. 

Causes of Hypersexuality 

No one knows what exactly causes hypersexuality but there are a range of factors that can be possible causes. Let’s explore some of them, shall we?

Trauma: Hypersexuality is often closely linked to trauma. Unresolved trauma, such as negative childhood experiences, can lead people to use hypersexuality as a way to cope. And in an effort to deal with a painful past, recent trauma, or even everyday stress, you turn to watching porn or engaging in sexual acts as a way to escape all these negative emotions you don’t want to feel. And because sexual acts give us a surge of dopamine, every time you want to run away from negative emotions, you start turning to sex more.

Chemical Imbalance: Since the brain is the captain of the body, it only makes sense that if the captain is off balance, it will affect the body! A chemical imbalance in the brain can cause a complete lack of sex and can also swing to the other extreme and result in hypersexuality.

Medications: Research suggests that some medications can cause hypersexuality as a side effect. For instance, dopamine replacement therapies have been linked to the development of hypersexuality as a potential side effect.

Neurological Conditions: Certain conditions, such as epilepsy, may lead to damage in specific areas of the brain, which could potentially trigger hypersexuality.

Okay, You’re Hypersexual, What do you do? 

Before anything else, be kind to yourself. You did not ask for this disorder and you’re struggling with something that can be really hard, especially given the stigma around sex addiction. So, don’t be like society, and don’t judge yourself harshly. It will only make you feel worse and most likely, make you lean more into the hypersexuality to feel better even if it’s just for a few minutes. 

Here’s a stat that can make you feel better for longer: hypersexuality affects around 10% of the US population. Unfortunately, we don’t have data for India (surprise, surprise) but know this: you are not alone in your struggle.

The next and most crucial step is to seek treatment. By just reading about hypersexuality, you’ve already taken the first step towards learning more about yourself and how you can overcome this. Educating yourself will help reduce the shame you probably feel and empower you to reach out and seek professional help.

This brings Aunt Sassy to the next step, working with a medical professional. A psychotherapist can help you identify triggers, unhealthy coping strategies you’re employing, and unhealthy patterns and can work with you to retrain your brain and adopt more healthy behaviors. And medication too can help with any mental health symptoms that manifest because of hypersexuality. 

Lastly, join a support group, whether it’s in person or an internet form, where you can connect with others who are struggling. Such forums, especially when moderated by a mental health professional, are important safe spaces. 

And, healthy sexual exploration can be a part of your journey toward balance. Tools like vibrators and other sex toys provide a safe and controlled way to connect with your body without the risks associated with compulsive behaviors.

For a smoother experience, opt for water based lube—they’re gentle, easy to clean, and toy-safe. These products can make self-care more enjoyable while supporting a mindful approach to satisfying your needs.

Remember, the goal is to foster a positive relationship with your sexuality as you work toward healing. Be patient and kind to yourself—you deserve it.

Also, check out our blogs on Understanding slow sex and what is a kink and its types to improve your knowledge of sexual health.