As you're swiping left and right on dating apps, you may find yourself wondering why different people choose to set their preferences as "looking for a relationship" or "something casual." Do you yourself wonder which one of these options is the best fit for you?
Aunt Sassy believes in every sassy babe making their own choices, so of course she’s not going to pick one for you! But through this piece as we ponder over different aspects of casual sex, you might get a better perspective on where your preferences lie.
And while you figure out if you crave intimacy in a friends with benefits (FWB) situation or a serious relationship, be sure to check our exciting range of intimate massagers so you can be sure of those toe-curling O’s either way.
What Does “Casual” Mean to You?
Like with any other dynamic between partners like being in a more committed relationship or being non-monogamous, casual relationships also have unique meanings based on the individuals involved.
While generally a casual relationship refers to intimacy which does not involve romance or is “no strings attached (NSA)”, such definitions can be reductive and hold one back from enjoying them fully.
For example, your favourite hookup buddy and you may have sorted out a chill plan for your booty calls that give you all the freedom to explore yourselves, without the more traditional commitments of say, texting everyday.
But do you really not share any romantic feelings for each other? This isn’t to suggest like in movies like Friends With Benefits, that everyone in a NSA relationship is going to fall in love with each other, but that perhaps you can share romantic feelings with people you may not take the next step with.
Similarly, casual relationships are typically described as "commitment free", but what is considered commitment for you may be very different for boo. They could have different stances on what meeting each other’s friends and family, gifting, and staying over in the morning, mean. So when stepping into the dating pool, take a minute to reflect on what you’re thinking of when choosing to opt for or against keeping it casual.
Understanding Your Dating Goals
Whether it’s because you want to stay single and also stay sexually active with a partner, if you want the space to explore your identity and orientations, or if you’re disabled and would prefer something that requires lesser spoons (energy), it’s important to know your own motivations for casual dating.
Having a better understanding of your dating goals can help you look for partners who are on the same page, and communicate it with them clearly. Identifying the motivations for casual dating could also help one realise behaviour patterns like avoidance if they tend to engage in casual relationships and exit the scene when they start to develop feelings.
This could then pave the way to unlearning and managing such tendencies and moving towards forming genuine connections. On the other hand, if you are someone for whom feelings of intimacy and pleasure are tied to being in frequent engagement with your sweetheart and being exclusive, a low-key relationship may not satisfy you.
Exploring what gets you going with a reliable body massager like our LIT, which is designed with suction technology to kiss all your sweetest spots, could support you in figuring out what you seek in the bedroom.
Also Read: Female Pleasure and Men
Challenging Your Biases
Society at large makes all sorts of assumptions about casual relationships and people who engage in them. And oftentimes, it’s easy to hold some of these biases ourselves.
The idea of love and happiness as being something that can only happen in serious relationships, results in perceptions of flings as being less genuine and rewarding.
Women and non-binary people who participate in casual intimacy are branded as “sluts”. At the same time, recent conversations on the way we’ve been equating sex positivity and sexual liberation to hook up culture, also point out how this can lead to feelings of pressure around having “a hoe phase” and celebrating gratification, when one should be able to explore things at their own pace even when keeping it casual.
As Aunt Sassy always says, it's all about owning your pleasure. And our crowd favourite OG Personal body massager will allow you to do just that! With its 10 different vibes and bendy body, the OG accommodates itself for your needs. Get your hands on it today, and indulge your G-spot to a pleasure party.
Examining the internal beliefs you may have about hooking up can guide to a better understanding of your emotions around it, unpacking unhelpful ideas, and identifying if it's right for you.
Practising Pleasure Safely
Safe pleasure practices are an absolute necessity, no matter what form of relationship you're in. But the constant association of casual sex with being something callous, makes it important to reinstate this.
From ensuring that you're communicating with your lover about both your expectations from the relationship, to being transparent about your intimate health checkups and other lovers you may be with, playing safe only makes the game more fun.
Since in a casual relationship you may be less frequently in contact with them, each time you head to the bedroom might require an in-depth conversation about these aspects and your pleasure boundaries, which may be changing.
Ready to have these conversations? If so, casual sex just might be your cup of tea. Don't forget to grab hold of our water based lube DTF, to up that TLC during playtime!
The world of dating and relationships offers a range of experiences to explore. Whether you find yourself leaning towards a casual setup or seeking a more committed relationship, it's crucial to understand what each option means to you personally and to communicate your desires openly. Embrace pleasure, own your journey, and be kind to yourself and your partner(s) as you navigate the dating landscape. Aunt Sassy wishes you the best of pleasure!
About the Author
Anna (she/they) is a queer, neurodivergent and disabled psychologist and writer. They have always been curious about pleasure and conversations around it (and wanted to found a condom company when they were 12, because of Global North misinformed panic that the climate crisis is a consequence of overpopulation–they’ve learnt better now). They wish to contribute to a world where everyone can enjoy access to pleasure, safely and shamelessly.