Pop culture depicts sex from many angles and ‘positions’: the impossibly perfect sex and bodies of Hollywood movies, the unbelievable gymnastics of porn, and even the Lions and Elephants in Attenborough documentaries seem to know what they are doing! But sex in real life is closer to a gag reel.
Yes, at times it is glorious, fulfilling, and satisfying and thank god for that, but quite often it is difficult, weird, awkward and why oh why, does no one ever talk about the epic comedy that goes on between the sheets?
Well, of course, your Aunt Sassy is here to spill all the deets. So gather around and know you’re not alone, everyone has an awkward sex story to share and we’re to normalise everything from your partner laughing at you in bed to letting out a little queef!
Pritam, 23, Heterosexual
The last noise you want to hear while making out with a girl is giggling. So, before this horrifying incident, my girlfriend kept insisting that I shave off my pubes for our anniversary, I did, but I made the mistake of doing it 2-3 days in advance. By the time our anniversary arrived and we went at it with abandon, she kept giggling through the night because of the fuzz in my nether regions. It took me a loooooong time to see the humor in that.
Eesha, 25, Pansexual
I cry. I mark all important moments in my life by crying. The same is true when I…erm…find the big O. Needless to say it has led to some very awkward moments in bed…one minute I’m having fun with the person I’m sleeping with, the next second I’m crying and they’re panicking and I’m trying to assure them that they didn’t do anything wrong, this is just how I am! I just get overwhelmed and feel a lot of love and that’s why I cry! Now that I have a long-term partner, things are a little better.
Srinivasan, 35, Homosexual
I know it’s not that popular amongst men but I’ve faked a good share of orgasms in my life and only once was I caught. It wasn’t as bad as that sex education scene! My partner didn’t ask to check my condom but it was… embarrassing and awkward because I did have to kind of tell him that it’s definitely you. He was just really bad at sex! But I gave him some tips and I hope he’s doing better no!
Saksham, 28, Heterosexual
Staying with your parents means you need to find other places to have sex and well…that often means a hotel room. But they are the worst! Some hotels have these really slippery bedsheets and they are frustrating. I am constantly slipping, unable to stay in one place and always falling on my girlfriend! We’ve had multiple minor injuries because of this! And yeah, men are expected to do a lot in bed but they need a secure position to do that. Slippery bedsheets are anti-sex, they ought to be banned. Now, when I have to do it in a hotel, I take off the sheets.
Surinder, 42, Heterosexual
In Delhi winters, you suddenly realize that the walls of your house are made of paper. Without the welcoming ‘canceling noise’ of AC’s and fans and your parents sleeping in the next room, every groan, and every creak of your bed sounds like a fire alarm. I have to travel to Hill Stations to have relaxed sex. And I know I am not alone in this.
Ritika, 30, Homosexual
I was hooking up with this REALLY hot girl and it was one of my first times exploring my sexuality as a lesbian. I was REALLY nervous, had shaved everywhere and everything and things were going well….really well…but then she started going down on me and she immediately got up and ran to the bathroom. I was HORRIFIED when she told me that she was pretty sure I’d just got my period cause she tasted blood. Needless to say, I have not spoken to her since and I RELIGIOUSLY use a period tracker now.
Now that you’ve gone through some of people’s most awkward and cringe episodes in bed, let’s discuss how you can get through yours. Because an awkward sex moment can happen to anyone, anywhere!
Bodily functions silly, Bodies are great
One side-effect of having loads of sex (while we are on the subject do try our Lit clitoral suction massager and Flex Flexiable Vibrator) is that you will go through a plethora of new experiences; your partner suddenly having her period, your boyfriend farting mid-action, getting a full load of a vaginal fart in your face, or ejaculating at the wrong time or in the wrong place. Of course, all these experiences can be embarrassing, and they can even be scarring for some, but the truth is they are nothing more than bodily functions. Whenever you are faced with such a scenario the key is to communicate! Address it, try to find the humour in it (humour helps a LOT) and do your best to not dwell too much on it! Communication done right can give you as much joy as dirty talk. Maybe not as much, but you get the drift.
A bra, Condom, and Wrong Name walk into a bar
Sometimes an awkward moment isn’t created because of normal body stuff – sometimes you’re trying to do something but it ends up going a little wrong.
Like come on, who hasn’t felt like an inept burglar while failing to unhook a bra or who hasn't hated themselves for forgetting to bring a condom and HONESTLY, who hasn't said the wrong name or the wrong thing while having sex??
It is ok to feel vulnerable if you have made all the above-mentioned mistakes! They may seem like the end of the world at that moment but trust your Aunt Sassy, they aren't. Just be honest, take responsibility and ask for help when you need it! Sex is fun because you get to lean on the other person in both senses of the word.
Orgasm is on the spectrum
Orgasms come in all shapes and forms and sometimes they don't come at all. Some women can orgasm solely by penetration, some solely by their clitoris, and some require both. Similarly, some men orgasm too soon and some really struggle to orgasm at all. It really helps to know that different things work for different people, it also helps to be familiar with the abundant literature on this topic. The headline is that orgasms are all about relaxation. Understanding yourself, and your partner, learning to relax, and learning to adjust your expectations is what great sex is all about.
Using sex toys and vibrators can significantly enhance your orgasmic experience. These tools can provide the precise stimulation needed to achieve orgasm, whether through targeted clitoral stimulation or enhanced penetrative sensations. Vibrators like our Lit Massager and Flex Massager are designed to cater to diverse preferences, helping you and your partner explore new heights of pleasure.
Awkward moments are a dime a dozen and come in all shapes, forms and sizes. So the next time you experience one, stop, breathe and remember, when it comes to weird sex stories, you're never alone! Trust Aunt Sassy, a quick google search on awkward sex stories will have you feeling alright in no time. That’s after you communicate with your partner, of course!
Now, to expand your knowledge about sex and explore further into the realm of sexual experiences, delve into our other blogs such as “what is vaginal sex” and “tips to have the best phone sex”. From understanding different sexual orientations to navigating the intricacies of pleasure and communication, our diverse range of sassy blogs aim to empower you to embrace your sexuality with confidence and curiosity.
About the Author
Vidisha is a screenplay writer who also loves writing the occasional blogs. She's smitten by all things funny, sassy, and creative. And has the penchant for cracking the odd joke. She also wrote this bio.
