For those of us who have been in long-distance relationships, one might be familiar with the expressions of disbelief that people around us might express when they hear us talking about how we’re counting down weeks to meeting bae in person. The frustration around LDR tends to centre on the topic of intimacy, and how we might not be able to get our needs for pleasure met with our lovers so far away.
But Aunt Sassy is here to remind you that we’re not going to let distance get in the way and put out those wildfires. A little imagination can go a long way in fanning those flames and keeping things hot. And while distance may or may not make the heart grow fonder, communication and trust can help us put in our best efforts. LDR or not, spending time with yo’ special someone should include being able to experience joy together and some downright naughtiness. Here are 5 ways to get frisky with bae–the LDR edition. Feel free to tune in, even those of you who aren’t in an LDR, we’re going to be getting creative and you don't want to miss out!
1. Figuring out the Fundamentals
Any relationship requires healthy communication to function. But when you’re not in close proximity with your partner, communication can become even more crucial as your conversations can serve as affirmations of the trust you’re trying to build together, even when you’re apart.
This could mean creating space for:
- Having different conversations such as figuring out the form of your relationship (perhaps what labels you’d like to use, or if you’re open to seeing other people)
- Creating relationship rituals that you can practise to create consistency and increase affection (sending voice notes before getting started for the day, or having check-ins on a video call at least once a week)
- Figuring out your love languages to help understand how each of you shows care and how you’d like to be cared for. Being aware of your love languages could also make it easier to navigate conversations on issues like being touch deprived or wanting to have more shared experiences together, especially if either of your love languages is ‘touch’ or ‘quality time’.
2. Kiss Me Thru the Phone
It can be frustrating to be apart from each other and not be able to express intimacy in person. However, it is essential to not neglect being intimate (however you define it, you do you boo!) just because you’re not next to each other. Depending on what’s more exciting, comfortable and convenient, sexting, phone sex and sexy FaceTime are some options to consider.
Use your words to paint a picture, and share your fantasies and your wet dreams with your partner, elaborating on every single way you’d like to touch them when you next meet. Focus on the pleasure of sound and stir up those ecstatic moans of pleasure from your partner while you’re both dirty talking (make sure to keep the lube within hand’s reach for a smooth conversation–our DTF is smooth AF). Get on a video call with your boo and tell them how much it would please you to watch them please themselves with their pleasure toys. You could also get thinking outside the box (Aunt Sassy approves) and tick some desires off the bucket list.
Whether it’s role play on a video call or reading out erotica to each other, make sure you discuss consent and boundaries. This could include checking if your partner’s in the mood before sending that booty pic, or if they’ve charged their sex toy (try our massagers LIT and OG, they charge quickly and last long!) before a sexting session, ensuring that you have a ‘no recording’ policy while getting off together on camera, and even discussing safe words and aftercare (for that TLC). You can also rely on the memories you’ve created together to build the heat (“remember when we...? I had such a great time”) or share your fantasies about what you’d like to do when you meet next time (spill those deets)!
3. It’s a Date!
Scheduling date nights can reinforce closeness and commitment between you and your sweetheart. And although multiple factors including time zones can come in the way of planning LDR dates, there are still plenty of options you can try.
Make a 'to-watch' list together and cross them off as you Netflix and chill for movie nights. Sign up for a class and learn a new skill, such as sign language, that you can practise with each other. Tend to your gardens together and have a gardening date, and be sure to send updates on how your plant babies have been growing. Get playful by arranging for game night or quiz night, and discover each other’s competitive sides. Or have a classic dinner date where you cook together on a video call, dress up and have a good ol’ fashioned wine n’ dine.
4. Spring a Surprise
Surprising your loved one can be a wonderful way to bring some cheer and wonder into your relationship. Be sure to talk to your partner (some time before you actually do it) about how they feel about surprises and what degree of secrecy about surprises they’re okay with. You can then cater your surprises to their level of ease with receiving them.
Order them their favourite takeout, send them a handwritten letter or painting, get them a warm sweater for the winter, buy tickets to a concert that they're stoked to go to–as they say, it’s the thought that counts and the more thoughtful, the better. Surprise your darling with some pleasure toys (our massagers LIT and OG have been highly rated–Aunt Sassy only brings the best for you!) and show them how much you prioritise and enjoy their satisfaction.
5. Space it out
Even in an LDR, it is vital that you and your partner(s) are able to have your own individual spaces. But it’s important to remember that taking your own space should not mean or feel like you’re building walls between each other. To be cautious of this, ensure to communicate what having “space” means to each of you and what are the ways this would manifest in your interactions with each other, how to attend to feelings of separation anxiety that might creep up, and focus on spending quality time over quantity time together. It can be easy to forget about the rest of the world when you’re enamoured with your beloved, but it can be crucial for each of your personal growths, to take a step back and evaluate if you’re attending to all your needs (emotional, spiritual, fexual) and that of other loved ones in your lives.
Take yourself out, if you fancy going on solo dates. Or if you’re someone who prefers going out with others, it’s time to dial those digits and call your besties for a brunch date or a sleepover (for that juicy goss). Engage in pleasure, for yourself–lie back (on our pillow UP, it’s designed for play) and enjoy some blissful O’s as you touch yourself and savour every sensation. And don’t hesitate to tell bae all about it when you catch up (so you can segway into some more playtime together)!
About the Author
Anna (she/they) is a queer, neurodivergent and disabled psychologist and writer. They have always been curious about pleasure and conversations around it (and wanted to found a condom company when they were 12, because of Global North misinformed panic that the climate crisis is a consequence of overpopulation–they’ve learnt better now). They wish to contribute to a world where everyone can enjoy access to pleasure, safely and shamelessly.