Let’s be brutally honest. Most Indian women grow up thinking sex is something that happens to them: a duty, a chore, or that dreaded “first-night-after-shaadi” performance: you know, the one where nosy aunties are basically waiting outside the door with chai and gossip. No one in school ever pulled us aside to say, “Babe, it’s supposed to feel good for you too.” Instead, we got endless sermons about “good character” and “saving yourself,” like pleasure is some kind of contraband. So by the time many women actually get around to having sex, they’re stressing about pain, pregnancy, or performance… everything except pleasure.

So here’s the truth bomb: sex isn’t just for him. You have every right to enjoy, experiment, and figure out what makes you feel amazing. And no, there’s no expiry date on that discovery. Whether you’re 18 or 48, it’s never too late to learn what turns you on.

Why We’re So Behind on This (Desi Edition)

Growing up, most of us never even heard words like “orgasm” outside of a whispered gossip session (or the trashy magazines your cousin hid under his bed). Self-exploration? Taboo. Even today, so many women first learn about their own bodies after marriage, or worse, through porn designed for men. Add in the constant “good girls don’t talk about sex” culture, and it’s no surprise we don’t know what we like in bed until much later in life.

But here’s the fun part: once you decide to explore, the world (and your bedroom) opens up.

Practical Ways to Explore What You Like

Read and Listen to Erotica

Erotica written for women (yes, it exists, and no, it’s not all cringey) can spark ideas you didn’t even know you had. From soft romance to kinky scenarios, exploring fantasies through stories is a low-pressure way to figure out what excites you.

Masturbate (Please)

How do you expect your partner to make you feel good when even you don’t know what makes you feel good? Use your hand, a good lube, or maybe a vibrator if you want to level up. Remember, masturbation is the best way to learn what your body likes. The more you explore, the more clues you’ll have about what to ask for in bed.

Experiment With a Trusted Partner

Once you have an idea of what excites you, bring it into the bedroom. A partner who listens and respects boundaries is gold here. Try new positions, introduce toys, extend foreplay, dirty talk: whatever makes sex feel like play, not performance.

Use Your Senses

Sometimes it’s not about the obvious. Do you like being touched slowly or firmly? Do certain smells, music, or lighting set the mood better for you? What temperature is comfortable for you? Do you like sexy lingerie or going bare? Pleasure is a whole-body experience, not just what happens between your legs. Remember, this is not a one-time exploration. It takes time, and your preferences may even change as you grow.

Keep a Sexy Journal

Yes, like a diary, but for sex. Note down what you enjoyed, what didn’t work, and what you’re curious about. It doesn’t have to be pages long; even quick notes like “more kissing, less rushing” help. Afraid a nosy aunt might read it? Put it on your device and password-protect it.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here are some prompts to get you started:

• Do I like slow build-ups or quick, intense action?

• Do I enjoy being in control, or do I prefer when my partner takes the lead?

• What parts of my body feel the most sensitive?

• Do I want more emotional intimacy during sex, or more physical experimentation?

• Are there fantasies I feel curious (or shy) about exploring?

Remember: there are no “right” answers. Only your answers.

Final Thoughts

Finding out what you like in bed isn’t a one-time test you ace or fail. It’s an ongoing process: kind of like discovering your food preferences. (Some days you want biryani, other days it’s pizza. Both valid. Both delicious.)

So go ahead: read, touch, play, and talk. Because pleasure isn’t something you stumble upon by accident: it’s something you claim. And in a world that’s spent years telling Indian women to be silent about sex, claiming your pleasure might just be the most rebellious, empowering thing you ever do.

Exploring your desires starts with comfort, curiosity, and care. Whether you’re discovering self-pleasure or sharing it with a partner, body-safe sex toys and smooth, long-lasting lube can help you explore what truly feels good — safely and confidently.

About the Author

Madhu (she/her) has been an avid reader of all things spicy since her childhood. She writes sassy blog posts and listicles now so that others may benefit from her wholly inappropriate, wholly informative tastes, too.