The Less-Talked About World of Sexual Debuts
Disclaimer: Sexual debut as a concept gives a lot more agency to the person describing their primary sexual encounters and hence for the purpose of this article too, refers to consensual experiences only. The distasteful reality however is that cases of *trigger warning* sexual assault, abuse, and grooming are extremely prominent when it comes to the first time for many, especially vulva owners.
In a pop culture-dominated world, references such as ‘popping the cherry’ and ‘losing virginity’ have been used colloquially to refer to one’s first time. For the longest, even mainstream onscreen representation of what sex can look like for first-timers has been scanty and deeply flawed. Condoms don’t exist, consent can be neglected and female pleasure is out of the question in the mystical land of filmy seggsy time. Sex Education is barely a Netflix original because one can hardly spot a proper curriculum in Indian educational spaces.
When there is more confusion than clarity around what sex looks or might feel like, the dependency may increase on more readily available content, such as mainstream porn. Pornographic influences have a major role to play in shaping the ideas around sexual activities. Because straight porn has a clear subjugation of the female body and most porn has certain power dynamics in place, sex automatically becomes more objectifying, performative, and less egalitarian for vulva-owners.
Having sex has become a norm over the years. As they say, “It’s cool”. Having sex is considered to be at the apex of what is the ‘grown-up’ pyramid. I vividly remember my social status being linked to the number of guys I slept with back in high school – the higher the number, up the ladder I go. It was a pretty big deal, and for some, still is. While ‘doing it’ was an achievement for a lot of cis men, it brought about anxieties and insecurities for all in some way or the other. For vulva owners/cis women, due to their social conditioning as sexually passive beings, the concept of sex may be guilt-ridden and come with a lot more shame than pleasure. Since society hasn’t been kind to our bodies either, body image issues may easily seep for some into their sex lives. Hence, gendered perception of sex has contributed largely to how novel sexual experiences may vary for all. And, the first of anything is always impressionable if not good or bad, i.e., how we perceive and feel sex for the first time can often carry over to our future sexual interactions.
Orgasms have been deemed as the end goal of sex when the reality is far from it. While orgasms may be considered a by-product, they’re definitely NOT the be-all and end-all of sex. Sex is supposed to be safe, comfortable, pleasurable, and even awkward for the first few times – and that’s the beauty of it. Sexual debut doesn’t translate to sexual intercourse, YOU define what sex means for you. Pleasure is a subjective experience and so is sex. What works for one, might not for the other. Hence, you can’t expect your first time to be perfect, but it can sure be a start. In a utopian world, all of this might be a cakewalk. But from we’re coming, most of our maiden sexual ventures have been all sorts of unique, some better or worse than others. Some of our bodies hold trauma as a result of these experiences, while others might feel a bit more secure.
At Sassy, we hope to push forth the idea of pleasurable and safe sex that is rooted in self-care and healthy communication. And that’s why our products are designed to give your body the attention it deserves, with natural ingredients you know all about (yes boo, we got nothing to hide). Sex (penetration) isn’t supposed to be painful, but it can be stressful and we get it. This is where the DTF Lube comes to your rescue and is your bestie for all first-timers! P.S. Not only does it make the ride smoother but more pleasurable too.
Sex or no sex, your body should get the TLC it needs on a daily!
About the Author
Anuja (she/her) is our Creator-in-Residence. After exploring all the different ways she could talk about who she identifies as, this is the closest she could get: “I’m your quintessential dog hoomum with a blue typewriter, living three blocks away, probably writing about you."