The very famous 'Love is Blind' quote? Turns out, it's not just a catchy phrase – it's very real. We get all starry-eyed and conveniently overlook the neon signs blinking in our face. Even though our BFFs are practically wearing red tops screaming, "DANGER!", we just walk past it.
I spoke to a few people, who, in hindsight, realized those missed early warning signs. Let's look at the biggest red flags stories and all of the signs that yell, ‘your relationship is toxic’, so you don't later end up with a front-row seat to your best friend’s "I told you so" hair flip.
Here’s some common red flags stories
Karan, Mumbai :
My ex was a total blast, seriously. She’d sign us up for impromptu adventures, and would be up for any trip. The fun was infectious ; even a trip to Starbucks felt like a rollercoaster ride, thanks to her animated conversations and her sparkly eyes.
But here’s the kicker: she had a PhD in dodging serious talks. She'd hit me with lines like "YOLO" or "let's not kill the vibe" accompanied by a sneaky kiss. At first, it was all chill – small stuff, no biggie. So I played it off too, you know? I didn’t wanna come off as a boring uncle to her.
Little did I know, she was carrying some heavy family baggage. The pile of unresolved issues just kept growing, and I realized I was in too deep.
She was definitely the life of every party, but I just couldn’t do life with her.
Hot Takeaway, Babe: Not every wild ride comes with a smooth landing.
Pankti, Kolkata :
If you ever had the dubious pleasure of hanging out with him, you'd be gifted with at least one offensive joke. A transphobic, racist or a sexist punchline delivered with the finesse of a standup comedian. And oh, the casual toss of terms like "hoe" or "slut" – in a super chill, supposedly fun way.
When I used to call him out on it, his response was “you know me babe, I’m just joking. I don’t think that way.” Funny how those ‘woke’ views were always MIA in any serious convo.
He might have just been trying to channel his inner Aakhri Pasta, but I should’ve made my aakhri din way sooner than I actually did.
Hot Takeaway, Babe: Not every joke is just a joke; some are red flags in disguise.
Delve into some signs that indicate a relationship is toxic
Rohini, Kochi :
ALL of my partner’s friends were super proud card-carrying members of the Alcohol Appreciation Society. Every hangout turned into a booze fest – puking shenanigans, and the classic morning-after headache. I'm all for a wild night, but when it’s the only thing on the agenda, every single time, it’s genuinely a loud alarm.
And get this, some of his friends were hardcore gambling enthusiasts. His bestie was cheating left and right and center. And my partner? Oh, he played matchmaker, setting the cheater up with more girls.
At first, my guy treated me like a queen, but as time rolled on, things got sketchy. Trust me, I've seen how much a person is influenced by their crew. It's not just about romance; my ex turned into an addict and tanked his own career. Funny how I never spotted the toxic sign in my relationship in all of these intoxicants.
Hot Takeaway, Babe: See their friends, and you’ll see their future.
Pallavi, Hyderabad :
Our sex chemistry was a big fat zero. But, it wasn't the lack of sparks that bothered me – it was the absolute radio silence on the issue. Trying to discuss our sex life was like talking to a brick wall.
I even thought, "Okay, maybe there's something in her past," and suggested talking therapy. But nope, she slammed that door shut too. I wasn't asking for anything she didn't want; all I wanted was an open chat about our intimate lives. It was like trying to get a cat to juggle, and I simply had to give up.
Hot Takeaway, Babe: Not every intimacy hiccup is about the act itself; sometimes, the real red flags in a relationship is the refusal to even chat about it.
Aria, Pune :
My partner never planned anything special for any special days. Birthdays, anniversaries, you name it – it was either his work schedule, a random excuse or a "we'll do whatever you feel like doing" text. And oh, let's not even get started on my career wins. I finally snagged that promotion I'd been grinding so hard for ; sent him a text loaded with exclamation marks, and what do I get in return? "That's so nice, we can grab dinner or something tonight if you’d like." Really? After all the hard work, that's the best we can do?
I let it slide a number of times, but come on, no plans in almost a two-year relationship? I’m a super independent lady, with a solid A1 cheerleading friend squad, but don’t we all want to be pampered and celebrated by our own partner sometimes?
Hot Takeaway, Babe: When your victories and birthdays get the level of hype as a regular Tuesday, it might be time to say bye. Find someone who makes even those regular Tuesdays special, my love.
Some individual experiences to remind you what to look out for!
Komal, Chattisgarh :
My ex was like a time-sucking vampire. Girls' night out? The yelling and drama began because he wanted every moment to be "us" time. Overtime at work? Nah, what’s the need? “Give at least your afterwork hours to me no.”
At first, it seemed kinda sweet - "aww, he just wants more of me." Little did I know, he was gunning for the title of King Obsessed. Was it a trust issue or was he an expert in obsession, I’m still not sure.
The last straw was when he pulled a sneaky move, by calling my mom to bail on a family dinner, claiming I was sick – all because he wanted that time for himself.
And guess what? Even after all that, he had the audacity to whine about not spending enough time together. Oh, and he genuinely thought that he should be the only person necessary to make me happy.
Hot Takeaway, Babe: Life's too short to let someone turn it into a clingy episode of The Possessive Bachelor.
Yukta, Lucknow :
Everytime I used to vent to him, he turned it into a competition of who had a crappier day. I'd be pouring my heart out after a fight with my dad, and he’s ready with, "At least your dad speaks to you." And it wasn't just the heavy stuff – even a tiny rant, like my boss piling a shit-ton of work on me, turned into, "Well, at least you're paid well. I'm grinding so hard and still so underpaid."
Everytime I’d talk about my feelings, he’d show me how he has it far worse, as if it was a competition. It was like a perpetual one-upping game.
Hot Takeaway, Babe: If it’s a ‘tauda kutta tommy, sada kutta kutta?’ situation, nikal lo.
After all these individual experiences and delving into the signs that your relationship is toxic; I'm crossing my fingers that you won't wait for your BFF to drop the truth bomb that your SO isn't the one. You’ll spot the signs, connect the dots, and have your own ‘aha’ moment. It’ll be your time to do a hair flip, flash a smile, and say, "I’ve already broken up!”
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About the Author
Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.
