I’m a sucker for romance, in an almost cringy way. But over the last couple of years, I’ve been lucky to come across conversations that have reminded me that there’s other kinds of love in my life that I can gush about too. Identifying with polyamory has certainly played a big part. Being polyamorous to me, is about recognising and celebrating how much love I can feel for multiple people in my life, and how no one relationship eclipses the others. Learning that I feel about love in this way, has empowered me to embrace and cherish all my relationships more. So while I have a special connection with Aunt Sassy and her self-love enhancing bundle of self care products (which you should totally check out), these are some other sources of love in my life that keep me thriving:
My Besties
While I’ve given significant thought to the saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” and tried to consciously build friendships with people I genuinely admire, most of them have felt like blessings that I happened to be lucky to cross paths with. My friends have taken care of me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Much before I became acquainted with Aunt Sassy, they encouraged me to shamelessly be myself. Dancing like nobody’s watching, laughing like nobody’s judging, singing at the top of my lungs (no matter how bad we sound)--I’ve found a partner in crime for almost everything among my besties. They’ve also called me out on my mistakes, and helped me stay true to what I value in life. One instance of this was a couple of years back, when one of my besties pointed out how when I’m dating, I tend to ignore other people in my life. I’m so grateful that she was able to be honest with me, hold me accountable, and that our friendship has grown even stronger. Today we call each other “soul sisters” and I can’t think of a phrase that’s more fitting.
The Women in my Family
While I feel a full range of emotions when it comes to my dynamic with my family, I cannot deny the love that I have felt, especially with the women in my family. My mother has loved me so selflessly, and has played an undeniable role in shaping the way that I experience and show love. My relationship with my sister, who’s a full decade younger than me, has taught me how to love and protect my inner child. And while it feels like such a bummer that I can’t carry her around anymore (perhaps one day when I’m a muscle mommy), it’s also incredible to witness how wise she has grown to be. Witnessing her standing up for herself and the things that she holds dear, motivates me to be a little more brave in love.
Disability and Queer community
There’s a special kind of love that you share with people who get the parts of your identity that tend to be invisibilised by the rest of the world. There’s even a term for it, called “access intimacy”, which was coined by disability activist Mia Mingus. Access intimacy is when someone understands your access needs–such as needing a wheelchair to join a Pride march, or a chest binder to manage gender dysphoria–and they support you with that. I’ve felt access intimacy with so many disabled and queer people, right in my first conversations with them, because of the kind of shared experiences that we’ve had, trying to navigate life while occupying these identities. Connecting with these communities has allowed me to be so much more free with myself and connect better with my body. And while there is a lot of grief and struggle that we connect over, we also connect over the unique experiences that bring us joy and pleasure. I’m part of disabled and queer groups for playing Scrabble, for running marathons, and for putting mehendi together on video call. Even though we might not talk everyday, the sense of community creates curiosity and trust to reach out to each other in shared spaces where we don’t have to defend or explain who we are. It’s the kind of love that can change the world.
I hope you enjoyed reading about the different kinds of love in my life, and that it encourages you to take some time to think about yours! Writing this has been a warm reminder of the many heartfelt connections I’m grateful to have in my life. With lots of love, Anna.
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About the Author
Anna (she/they) is queer and neurodivergent. They have always been curious about pleasure and conversations around it (and wanted to found a condom company when they were 12, because of Global North misinformed panic that the climate crisis is a consequence of overpopulation–they’ve learnt better now). They wish to contribute to a world where everyone can enjoy access to pleasure, safely and shamelessly.
