There I was, bubbling with excitement about broaching the 'let's try a vibrator' conversation for the first time. Excitement? Absolutely. Nerves? Oh yeah. I'd never ventured into the partner-plus-toy territory before, and I had zero clue how he'd take it. One moment, I geared up to spill the beans, and the next, I chickened out, changing the conversation towards the ever-important decision of what movie to watch that night.
Have you ever been there? You have all those electric ideas about how sex toys could elevate your game, spark your wildest fantasies, turn desires into reality, and take pleasure to levels you thought were reserved for solo adventures. You know that these toys have the power to shake things up in ways that will make you moan louder than ever before. But how do you bring this conversation up with your partner? Don’t worry; I got you!
1. Consider the Timing While Bringing Up this Conversation
Talking about what revs your engines requires a certain level of closeness and vulnerability. If you're not feeling that deep connection just yet or if it's still early days in the relationship, it might be best to hold off for a while. On the other hand, if you've both been openly discussing your preferences from the start, casually bringing up sex toys could be a smooth move. Remember, there's no set schedule for this, but being considerate matters. Avoid turning it into a sudden, impulse chat. Instead, wait until you both feel entirely at ease with one another. Avoid bringing it up directly during intimate moments; that might lead to unnecessary pressure and discomfort, potentially stirring up insecurities and conflicts (unless your partner loves surprises that way, hehe).
2. Tone Check
Watch your vibe while having this chat. It's super easy for your partner to get the wrong idea and think you're dissing your current sex life. Not the goal, right? It could just make them feel pretty crummy.
But hey, at the same time, don't feel the need to say sorry or shy away from your wants and dreams. Keep the tone in a curious, explorative zone. Make it more about trying new things together and diving into fresh experiences; talk about this thrill with a thrill!
3. Starting the Conversation
We’re conditioned to believe that sex toys are only introduced when your partner is ‘not enough’. This makes it quite tricky to sometimes stir this conversation without making your partner feel that they’re terrible.
So, experts suggest a cool approach to smoothing this tricky chat out :
- Kick off with some positives about your sex life, a little praise.
- Slip in a subtle question.
- Share a desire, but make it a team thing.
Now, how do you *realistically* put these steps into practice? Let's say I start by raving about how awesome his touch was last night. Then, I'd ask how my moves felt for him. Slowly, I’d nudge into suggesting, ‘What if we try these moves in a totally new way?’ I might toss in where I got this idea, maybe from an article or a chat with a friend. And then, I’d express my interest in trying this new thing together and ask what he thinks about giving it a go.
4. Pick the Toy Together
Choosing a sex toy together? It's a pretty awesome way to get your partner comfy with the whole idea. When they're part of the decision-making process, it turns into an ‘us’ thing rather than just your wish. Scrolling through a list of stuff like sex pillows or various personal massagers might spark some unexpected curiosity or inspiration in them. It could make them more open and enthusiastic about the whole experience. Who knows? You might end up chatting about things you never thought they’d be into! It’s like a shared adventure that amps up the excitement. Make it a fun virtual date of picking out toys together—it's a win-win!
5. Start Small
If you sense your partner might not be fully onboard yet (or if this is your first rodeo with sex toys and you're stoked), starting with the small stuff is a solid plan. Opting for a cool small toy like LIT might be more chill than diving straight into a realistic, massive dildo. Big toys won't do any harm straight up, but the small ones? They'll ease you both into this new scene. They help you get cozy with the whole idea you're bringing into your bedroom.
6. Talk About It Later
Make these conversations your cigarettes after sex. Bringing in sex toys is a big move, and it's crucial to know how your partner feels about it. Keep in mind that everyone's idea of a good time varies. Even if you had a blast, checking in on how your partner felt is key. Having this chat will also level up your future toy adventures, helping you both understand each other's preferences and making things even more fun with toys down the road.
7. The Last Word
If your partner isn't super hyped about the idea of bringing in sex toys, don't sweat it. Everyone's got their preferences, and it's cool to give them space to warm up to the idea. Don't push too hard. Try chatting later, dig into why it's making them a bit uneasy, and find ways to work through it over time. Eventually, you can tackle any worries or myths about toys or sex that might be hanging around. It's all about taking it easy and finding common ground.
And voila, you've got your go-to manual on slipping sex toys into the mix with your partner. If you're still getting those pre-chat jitters, here's a nugget of truth: most likely, your partner is just as pumped for a good time as you are. Tell them how hard you cum using a sex toy, but reassure them that, even with a little extra buzz, you’ll still be moaning their name. I hope that you have the conversation and that you place your order at India’s coolest sex toy shop in Delhi!
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About the Author
Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.
