I’m always yapping about my toy tales to my girlies - how many O’s I had, how amazing it felt, and my must-try recs. And without fail, their first question is, “Hem, where do you even hide your vibrators at home? Aren’t you terrified your parents or Aunt Gossip-a-Lot will sniff them out?”
Well, today’s the day, besties. I’m unlocking my vault of secret hiding spots.
In Plain Sight:
Here’s the secret: get yourself something very demure, very mindful - think Lit suction massager or Candy mini vibration. Now, here’s where you go full Oscar-worthy performer. Casually introduce it to your parents, like, “Oh, btw, I got this super cool neck massager I’ve been dying to try!” Hand it over with peak confidence. Bonus points if you channel your inner massage guru and demonstrate how “relaxing” it is.
The genius? Once they’ve seen it and think it’s your go-to post-yoga zen thing, you can keep it chilling in your room, right under their noses. And when it’s time to use it for... ahem... its true purpose, no one’s gonna suspect a thing.
Tissues for this Issue:
Grab a tissue box, the kind you see at cafes all the time, and tuck your vibrator right inside. Cover it up with a whole bunch of tissues. Now, place that masterpiece wherever you want, like it’s just a regular, boring ol’ tissue box.
But here’s the most important trick: make sure you pack the top with enough tissues so if anyone does try to grab a couple, they’re not gonna stumble on your secret stash. Create your ultimate layer of defense - a fluffy little fortress for your fluff.
The tissues aren’t just a disguise, though. They’ll keep your vibrator cushioned and safe, so you can keep it in prime condition. Plus, when you need a little clean-up session, you’ve got your tissues right there. It’s giving a triple win: hide, protect, and clean up. The box becomes a multitasking queen!
Between a Collection of Whatever You Collect :
Okay, if you're a book lover like me, you know that your mini library is your sacred space. It’s my personal corner in the house where I stash all my latest reads - and only I get to add to the collection or pull out a book to share with a friend. No one ever really goes through it, and that’s where I’ve hidden a few very discreet treasures behind some of my favorite novels.
But here's the thing: this doesn’t just apply to books. Whatever it is you’re passionate about collecting - be it stamps, or shoes (because we all have that perfect drawer for them), those corners are like your personal treasure chest. If you have Sephora-level makeup products - you can grab a small cotton pouch, hide the sex toys inside it, and pop it right between your lipsticks and foundation pouches. It’ll blend in like it’s always been a part of that squad.
No one’s going to question it because you’re the only one who goes around. Trust me, these little corners in your space are gold when it comes to hiding your goodies - discreet, safe, and totally unbothered.
A Little Wardrobe Wizardry :
Okay, your wardrobe has at least a couple of shelves, right? Here’s the plan: skip the basic toss-and-pray method. Instead, grab some tape and attach a small pouch to the underside of one of your shelf planks. Slide your vibrator in there.
Even if someone’s constantly opening your wardrobe to grab laundry or borrow your favorite crop top again, they’ll never notice anything taped to the bottom side of your shelves. It's a secret ninja spot: out of sight, out of mind, but always within reach when you need it.
Inside a Tampon Box:
You know that pretty much all guys steer clear. And that's exactly why this is such a perfect hiding spot. Half the population won’t even think about peeking inside. Your mom or aunties are probably not going to be rummaging through your tampon boxes either.
Keep that tampon box in your bedroom, far away from guests or someone who might need an emergency tampon.
Pro tip: Always go for the discreet ones, fam. My top recommendation? Salty wand massager. It’s so subtle, no one would ever guess it’s a vibrator - even in the wildest “oops, I dropped it” scenarios. It could be mistaken for a salt shaker or some artsy paperweight.
Now that you’re armed with my sneaky hiding hacks, your hiding game is officially unstoppable. Major problem solved. Whatuuu waiting for, go grab one!
Also, check out our blogs on Understanding Premature ejaculation and what is a kink and its types to improve your knowledge of sexual health.
Author Bio:
Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.
