Alright, listen up, folks! We're about to dive headfirst into the wonderfully dreadful world of bad gifts. Oh yes, you heard me right. We're talking about those presents that make you question everything – like, seriously, what were they thinking?
There are many horrifying experiences in life–like getting covid or you or your partner getting their period a few days late (yikes!) but the universal one that binds all of us? Receiving bad gifts. No one, I repeat no one, has been spared the horror of receiving bad, terrible and cringe-y gifts from their partners.
What comes under the category of a bad gift? Well, it’s hard to pin down because a bad gift can’t be defined specifically, but broadly speaking, a gift is considered bad when the receiver feels their partner doesn’t know what they like; when as soon as you get the gift you are thinking “wow, I hope they kept the receipt!”
And look, while we don’t want to remind you of all the dreadful gifts you had to fake-smile through, we are here to tell you something really important: you’re not alone. And we’ve got ten people’s testimonies as foolproof evidence.
Prabhat, 33, Heterosexual
“I never dated, never had a girlfriend, my wife was the first woman (other than my mother obviously) who bought me a gift. Though, generally, my wife is very sensitive to my needs and feelings, she has definitely proven she’s not very sensitive when it comes to gifting.
My birthday falls a few days before our anniversary and I still remember that her first gift to me was a can of deodrant. Deodrant! Deodorant is a comment, a suggestion, a complaint that you’re stinky—not a gift! We had a small fight about it. She sulked but eventually got the point and improved her game from our anniversary onwards. What did I do with that can of deodrant? I used it every day, and to this day, I still use the same brand.”
Meenal, 26, Heterosexual
“My boyfriend is a huge Sherlock Holmes fan and he considers himself an expert on body language. The operative word is ‘considers’. Anyways, he would often comment that I don’t make enough eye contact with people and I don’t, not because I am nervous or anything, but simply because when I am thinking, looking at people’s faces can be a bit distracting.
He got this into his head that he needed to fix this, so…on valentine’s day he gifted me a damn self-help book! I don’t remember the name of that silly book but it was something along the insulting lines of ‘How To Make Friends’??? I didn’t speak to him for a week after that. I still tease him about it.”
Shreya, 30, Heterosexual
“Gifts should sing! My husband and I are in the habit of giving each other gifts without waiting for an occasion. But, sometimes, ok maybe a lot of times, he uses gifts like WhatsApp, basically to send a message across, urgh. He thought I had put on a lot of weight and he gifted me running shoes, they were lovely, nice and pink. But they were also a screaming headline— Shreya you are fat! So, I also only wore those shoes when we would go out to eat chaat or to a restaurant.
This has not deterred him; he still uses gifts as messaging service.”
Aniket, 21, Gay
“Last year was the first year I had a valentine! I was so pumped for the day, I had planned our date night out and even gotten my boyfriend cute, thoughtful gifts. I was so ready to be showered with love as well and my boyfriend kept hyping me up, telling me he got the best gift for me…which is why I was shocked when he gifted me a Zomato gold subscription?! Here I had put in so much effort into his gifts and there, all he did was use Google Pay?
Needless to say we fought about it. And he understood that to me the intent of the gift means more to me and I understood that he thought it would save me a lot of money since I am a Zomato fiend…and now, we laugh about it over icecream that we got delivered for free!”
Itolu, 35, Heterosexual
“My wife is great at gifting and that is also the problem. She is always trying to up her game. And she almost always succeeds, but last year she gifted me two small goldfish. One died in an hour and another died by the morning. I had to spend the entire day consoling her and telling her that it was not her fault. This is what I tell all my friends, do not gift people things that can die. No one likes to bury their birthday gift first thing in the morning.”
Dhruv, 30, Heterosexual
“The most terrible bad presents are last-minute ones. My wife once gave me…guess… a guitar! You would think: how is guitar a bad gift? Well, it was a kid’s guitar, a plastic toy guitar!! She bought it because she was running late for our valentine’s date and she spotted this in some shop and thought it would be a cute gift because I ONCE said I wouldn’t MIND learning the guitar…Now, I get triggered whenever I see someone playing a real guitar.”
Ayushi, 24, Homosexual
“What makes or breaks a gift is attention. Attention to detail, attention to a person, their likes and dislikes and remembering to not repeat a gift. My ex-girlfriend once gifted me the entire collection of Calvin and Hobbes. What’s wrong with that? Wait for it. I had gifted her the same collection a few years ago! I don’t even know if she gifted me the same one or was forgetful enough to buy a new one. Needless to say, we broke up a few months later.”
Devyani, 35, Bisexual
“I was about to go on a work-related trip for a few weeks and my birthday was around the corner, my mopey boyfriend gifted me plants. Now, I love plants but how in the world was I going to take care of them while I was away?? I live on my own! I told him he should keep two and the other two I gave to my neighbour. When I came back, the two plants in my boyfriend’s safekeeping were perishing and my neighbour refused to return the plant because she had become attached to them. It wasn’t a horrible gift, just planned terribly.”
Vijay, 38, Heterosexual
“This happened to me when I was living in hostel. My girlfriend at the time gifted me a book that I read and immediately loved. Then one day, another hosteler walked up to me and said it was his book, I confronted my girlfriend and she confessed that she had found the book lying in the common room. I still feel pangs of shame thinking about that incident.”
Datta, 25, Heterosexual
“I married my highschool sweetheart. When we were both thirteen, she had gifted me a watch on Valentine’s Day. But when I wore it to school the next day, everyone laughed at me. Apparently it was a female watch! I still can’t believe that only I and my girlfriend didn’t know the difference between a male and female watch. I still have that watch, though.”
So what’s the deal with bad gifts?
Look, I’m no data analyst but from the anecdotes given above, I’m confident I can pin-point some reasons for bad presents. So, notepads out! Serial-bad-gifters pay close attention because I’m about to tell you exactly where you’re going wrong.
There are a few reasons why bad-gifters have so easily earned their reputation. Sometimes awful presents are the result of last-minute panic (like the toy guitar), sometimes they’re well-intentioned but not fully thought out (like the goldfish or the plans) and sometimes it’s because the gifter is thinking about what they would like rather than what their partner would like (case in point: our Zomato gift).
So, how can you get better at gifting? Or if you’re the partner receiving these awful presents, how can you help your partner get better?
Tips to Gift Well!
First of all, allow us to get something out of the way immediately. DO NOT, under ANY circumstance, gift ANYTHING generic to your partner. Flowers and chocolate are fine (but please, for the love of love, at least personalise it a little). But apart from that, anything you can also gift your mother or grandmother, IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN GET FOR YOUR PARTNER. ESPECIALLY VOUCHERS AND DISCOUNT COUPONS. THEY’RE THE WORST GIFT IDEAS! Apologies for the all caps, I kind of got flustered just reading some of the people’s stories above.
Now that you know what NOT to do, let me tell you what you should definitely do. Ready? Notepads still out? The key to giving good gifts is paying attention!
Understand that attention is the biggest gift you can give someone and paying attention to your gifts makes you stand out. To be good at gifting, which is easier than it sounds, trust me, you have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes or stilettoes. Best gifts are the ones that either have great sentimental value, that last long (like those lovely orgasms) or giving your partner a memorable experience.
Still a little lost? Well, you know the drill by now. Aunt Sassy has got your back. We’ve just launched gift boxes for couples that’ll make gifting less stressful for you and a lot more pleasurable for your partner!
And hey, if you're looking for some extra personal pleasure, don't forget to check out our personal massager. You can thank us after your partner rewards you ;)
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About the Author
Vidisha is a screenplay writer who also loves writing the occasional blogs. She's smitten by all things funny, sassy, and creative. And has the penchant for cracking the odd joke. She also wrote this bio.
