All About Love: The Single’s Guide to Valentine’s Day
Whether you’re someone who enjoys wrapping yourself in the mushiness of Valentine’s Day or someone who's a bit unsure about how you fit into the celebration, if you find yourself single this February 14th, we got you boo!
Valentine’s Day (and Valentine’s week) can put pressure on most of us, single or committed, to play into the different societal expectations. This pressure might be particularly harder for singles, with the kind of narratives that are portrayed about being by yourself. However, if you’ve been paying attention to Aunt Sassy, you know it’s all about owning your own pleasure. And being by yourself just means a solo self care products session (which could even be more pleasurable for some of us *cue ‘Feelin Myself’ by Nicky Minaj*). Aunt Sassy’s also put together this guide for all you singles, so you can enjoy V-Day, your way. Read on!
Spelling out Love
Although the celebration of love goes back centuries and love has always existed in myriad ways, many societies including ours are yet to accept many forms of love–queer, poly, aromantic, disabled and more. This makes it necessary to redefine the idea of love that tends to dominate our culture.
Like Aunt Sassy, who makes sure you’ve got all the best adult toys in India to discover your pleasure-scape, author and social activist bell hooks, blesses us with the ingredient list for love so we can discover love authentically. In her revolutionary work, ‘All About Love’, bell hooks describes love as, “a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust.” With these values, we can exalt love above the commodified, cishet, mononormative image that capitalistic society tries to sell us. So feel free to ditch the cookie-clutter representations of what love looks like, and embrace the different loving relationships in your life, whether it’s your chosen family, your friends, or your pet, wholeheartedly.
Make it Palentine’s Day!
If we look at the relationships in our lives with an open heart, we might realise that true love is more than the one we may reserve for a partner. For some of us, there might be strict boundaries about what kind of emotions and affections constitute attachments like friendships. But for others, we may find that there are elements of romance and eroticism even in our friendships. Be sure to check in with your pals and have a conversation to check if you’re on the same page and to ensure you’re being consensual when you might feel like crossing the existing boundaries of your friendship.
Whether you’re platonically in love with your besties or might have something more, make this your day to honour it! Call your squad, get dolled up for brunch, or dinner with karaoke (bust those bestie anthems and some moves)! Gift each other the romantic goodness that you’re yearning for–handwrite your favourite chica a letter (the ‘i’s’ dotted with hearts, of course), get them flowers, or make them a playlist. If you’re feeling more naughty, gift them a bombshell lingerie set, or a personal massager like the OG, as a return gift for all the special attention they’ve given you. The OG is sure to return the favour, with its ten different vibe modes!
Host an Elaborate Self-love Session
Nothing says main character energy like indulging in yourself. And like they say, you deserve all the love that you give you the world. So schedule some me-time and put together a plan to pamper yourself with pleasure. Get that cake you’ve been craving and have a movie marathon. If you’ve been catching yourself lusting in day dreams, pen down that erotica! Spend some intimate time with your body, observing yourself in the mirror and maybe even draw your nude self portrait or capture yourself on camera (be sure to take safety precautions with any digital footage of nudity). Light some candles, play some sensual music, and get down with your go-to full body massager.
Here's a playlist you might like: Unwind & Downtime
Love Blooms All Year Round
Love endures in abundance and it’s completely valid if you believe that you do not need to commemorate it on one particular day. Some people may find it more meaningful to share their sentiments for the loved ones in their lives, on days like birthdays and anniversaries. Some of us may be grieving love that we might have lost, which can bring about heavy emotions on a day like this. Valentine’s Day celebrations also tend to exclude a lot of us and one may choose not to associate with it because of the conventional glorification of only cis-het monogamous ideals of loving. So hold on to that rebellious spirit–Aunt Sassy’s a rule breaker herself–and go on with your day as usual, if that's what you like, and revel in the joy of missing out (JOMO).
Whether you spend Valentine’s week chilling in your sweatpants or going out on a date (hit them with your best shot!), we wish you all the pleasure and shamelessness. You do you boo ;)
About the Author
Anna (she/they) is a queer, neurodivergent and disabled psychologist and writer. They have always been curious about pleasure and conversations around it (and wanted to found a condom company when they were 12, because of Global North misinformed panic that the climate crisis is a consequence of overpopulation–they’ve learnt better now). They wish to contribute to a world where everyone can enjoy access to pleasure, safely and shamelessly.