Remember childhood? The “Once upon a time” fairy-tales, the arranged marriage stories at family dinners, the aunties whispering “beta, settle down” to your older cousins while you played on the terrace? Our first exposure to relationships is often a mix of romantic drama and marriage-announcement fever. We’re told: there’s only one “right mate,” purity matters, and settling down equals success. And for many of us, those early cues planted a weird mix of “I want love” and “But please don’t trap me.”

Especially for women who’re told their clock is ticking faster than their career, that push-pull between wanting love and fearing loss of freedom hits even harder.

So when you’re in your 20s or 30s, swiping right, ghosted left, trying to decode situationship vs relationship, it’s no wonder you think: “Why am I so afraid of commitment?”

Buffet Dating: Too Many Options, Too Little Decision

Welcome to This Generation. We have:

• FWBs (“Friends with Benefits”) where commitment is explicitly off the table.

• Situationships where you’re “exclusive-ish” but no label, no future plan.

• Casual hookups where you might meet someone, have fun, and move on.

This buffet of options is amazing, until you’re craving serious and the buffet keeps being “Just one more bite.” When the options list is endless, saying yes to one person feels like closing the tab on 99 others. Not every “I don’t want to commit” is lazy! It might just be overloaded.
And in our country, where wedding playlists are everywhere, and shaadi.com ads haunt your feed, the contrast gets even weirder.

Why We’re Actually Afraid of Commitment (Spoiler: It’s Not Just “Fear of Marriage”)

• Attachment mayhem: If your emotional zip-code was inconsistent as a kid (parents switching jobs, chronic fights, etc.), your “secure” column might still read pending.

• FOMO + the Swiper’s Guilt: “There might be someone better” is the new mantra. Thank you, Tinder/TBT.

• Dating-drag fatigue: Swipe, match, meetup, ghost, repeat. When you’re tired, merely showing up feels like over-achievement.

• Social media marketing your love like it’s a IPO: From #CoupleGoals to TravelGram, everything screams: “Perfect relationship or stop scrolling.” Real relationships are messy. Instagram filters are not.

• Honestly, the merge-lives brain-freeze: Living together, checking bank statements, meeting parents. It's not commitment that scares you—it’s the life audit version of it.

That Sassy Reminder: You’re not scared of love — you’re scared of losing yourself in someone else’s idea of it.

Pop Culture to Real Culture: What We’re Watching vs What We’re Living

In Friends, Ross wants the one, Rachel keeps the buffet open. Classic “commitment vs possibility” dance.

Bollywood’s Love Aaj Kal shows men baffled by view-once love while weddings still dominate household TV.

And here’s the kicker: the expectation is still “settle down,” even when we’re living life in tempo-mode. 

Maybe it’s not commitment issues — maybe it’s burnout wearing a cute outfit.

From Netflix to neighbour chats, the conflict is clear: commitment is framed as static, dating apps as dynamic. Which lane are you driving?

Thoughts of Real People (We Told You It’s Not Just You)

“Sometimes I want a relationship, but I am afraid of commitment … I don’t like the feeling of being trapped like you get in most relationships.”

“Afraid of missing out was my issue … so now single after 24 years, I want a relationship but when I’m in it, I couldn’t just be happy…”

See? We’re all circling the same question: Do I want connection, even if I’m terrified of contracts?

What the Experts Say (Without Boring You)

According to a study that adapted the Indian Fear of Relationship Commitment Scale (IFRC‑17) for India, fear around relationships pivots on negative self-perception, emotional/financial dependence, and pressure from family expectations.
Another survey found that 46% of eligible bachelors in India are hesitant to take up marriage responsibilities.

And women feel it too, juggling ambition, timelines, and aunties asking when the next function’s yours.

Translation: commitment anxiety is a trend. And it’s okay to admit, because the data’s backing you up.

How to Stop Being ‘Maybe’ and Start Choosing with Confidence

• Ask yourself the real question: Am I scared of this person or the idea of having to decide for life?

• Name the fear: “I’m scared of losing my freedom” is valid. So is “I’m tired of waiting.”

• Be clear with your partner: “I’m not ready for a ring, but I am ready for someone honest.”

• Set a date-check: “By this date we’ll talk about next steps, yes/no.” Giving structure without tension helps.

• Limit comparison noise: If you’re scrolling dating apps at 2 a.m., switch off and watch one documentary instead.

• Celebrate small steps: Commitment isn’t always bold moves—it’s showing up. Consistently.

Conclusion

Remember the childhood memory: you hiding under a blanket as aunties whispered about who’s “settling down next”? You’ve carried that whisper into adulthood. But here’s the truth: commitment isn’t just about “who you end up with,” it’s about who you are when you decide to stay. So if you’re hovering between “I love being free” and “Should I give this a shot?”, that’s your cue. The only contract that matters is the one you make with you. And when you’re ready, it might help to know whether you can’t commit or just can’t connect because yes, there’s a difference.

And while you’re figuring the heart stuff out, a little pleasure doesn’t hurt. The right vibrators and lubes can bring fun, ease, and comfort back into intimacy, helping you explore, reconnect, and meet yourself (and your partner) with more confidence.

About the Author

Madhu (she/her) has been an avid reader of all things spicy since her childhood. She writes sassy blog posts and listicles now so that others may benefit from her wholly inappropriate, wholly informative tastes, too.