Sexting—when it’s mutual, electric, and easy—is like a private love language that keeps the flame alive no matter the distance or busy schedules. But let’s be real, sometimes you’re the one fan-firing the phone while your partner stays quiet, leaving you wondering if you’re texting into a void. It’s frustrating, and it can make you feel like you’re chasing texts rather than sharing sparks.

The good news? This isn’t about blame or pressure. It’s about understanding your partner’s vibe, creating a safe space, and building anticipation in a way that makes them want to pick up their phone and flirt first. Sexting isn’t a skill that comes naturally to everyone—and that’s okay. With a little patience, playfulness, and clear communication, you can get your partner excited to light up your inbox without feeling “forced” or awkward.

Below is your step-by-step, no-BS guide to coaxing that sexting spark, sprinkled with practical tips and ready-to-use examples to get you both texting like pros in no time.

Step 1: Recognize Your Partner’s Sexting Style

• Everyone’s comfort with sexting is different; some people find it super natural, while others need time to warm up.

• Consider their personality and communication style—shy, old-school, or tech-wary partners may just need gentler nudging.

• Understanding this will save you from frustration and help you meet your partner where they are.

Step 2: Drop Teasing Breadcrumbs

Don’t jump straight into full-blown sexts. Instead, send light, flirty comments that invite engagement without pressure.

Try lines like:

• “Can’t stop thinking about that thing you did last night...”

• “I’m wearing something that reminds me of you right now ;)”

• These subtle hints signal you’re open to sexy chat without overwhelming your partner.

Step 3: Build a Safe Sexting Playground

• It’s important your partner feels that sexting is fun, safe, and optional—never a demand.

• Use reassuring phrases such as:

• “No pressure at all, just love chatting like this with you.”

• “Only if you want to, totally chill either way.”

• Establishing safety lets your partner relax and lowers any sexting anxiety.

Step 4: Turn Sexting Into a Playful Game

• Make sexting less intimidating and more engaging by turning it into a lighthearted challenge.

• Some game ideas:

• “I dare you to send me your naughtiest thought… The loser buys dinner.”

• Send only emojis and decode their meaning together.

• Play “guess the body part” with flirtatious hints.

• Playfulness removes pressure and invites natural participation.

Step 5: Celebrate Every Effort

When your partner does respond—even with a simple flirty text—acknowledge and celebrate it enthusiastically.

Examples:

• “That just made my whole day brighter!”

• “Okay, you’re officially my favorite texter now.”

• Positive reinforcement encourages them to keep the energy flowing.

Step 6: Prime the Pump In Person

Sexting initiation often begins with offline cues.

Try subtle techniques like:

• A lingering, meaningful look and a whispered “Wait ‘til I text you later…”

• Mentioning something you want to share over text later in the evening.

• These signals plant the idea and create anticipation.

Step 7: Share Your Sexting Playbook

• If they’re unsure how or what to text, gently share funny articles or tips on sexting to demystify it. (Don’t make it sound instructional but how sexting has been a gamechanger for many people)

• Humour and shared learning create connection and reduce awkwardness.

Step 8: Give It Time and Patience

• Sexting initiation is a new skill for many, requiring time and practice.

• Be patient and celebrate small wins—your partner’s style may differ from yours, but that difference can be its own kind of sexy.

Sample Starter Lines and Games

• “If I said I want you right now, what’s the first thing you’d do?”

• “Rate your mood from 1 (innocent) to 10 (oh heck yes).”

• “Send me an emoji that says ‘I’m thinking about you’ without words.”

• “Describe your dream kiss in one sentence.”

• “Let’s play ‘guess the body part’—I send a clue, you guess.”

Sexting is so much more than dirty talk; it’s a playful, intimate way to stay connected when you’re apart. With the right blend of patience, humor, and clear communication, you can encourage your partner to step up and share the sexting spotlight—turning your phone into a playground of desire.

15+ Ready-to-Send Sext Starters

Start subtle, build heat. Tailor to their vibe.

• “Can’t stop thinking about that thing you did last night...”

• “I’m wearing something that reminds me of you right now ;)”

• “If I said I want you right now, what’s the first thing you’d do?”

• “Rate your mood: 1 (innocent) to 10 (oh heck yes).”

• “Send me an emoji that says ‘I’m thinking about you’ no words.”

• “Describe your dream kiss in one sentence.”

• “Guess the body part: It’s tingling thinking of you...”

• “What’s the naughtiest thing on your mind rn?”

• “Dare: Your hottest thought. Loser buys dinner.”

• “This song just made me miss your touch...”

• “Picturing you here. What would you do first?”

• “One word: How do you want me tonight?”

• “Emoji story of last time we hooked up?”

• “Tease me back: What’s under your shirt rn?”

• “Waiting for your reply to make me blush...”

• “Bonus: Whisper what you'd text me later IRL.”

Pro Tips to Lock In Replies

• Time it: Post-gym or pre-bed for peak horniness.

• Mirror his energy: Short reply? Keep yours short.

• Escalate slow: Breadcrumb → Game → Heat.

Hope this playbook turns your ghost into a gusher! 

Now, go ahead—send that cheeky, teasing message and watch your partner find their inner flirt. You’ve got this.

Have fun

About the Author 

Himanshu Bhalla is the co-founder of That Sassy Thing.

Beyond building a pleasure-positive world at TST, he loves playing badminton, cooking crazy fusion food (yes, guac with rajma chawal is his thing), and spending time with his two lovely dogs.