Yeah. You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Very Aware.

Being on top: the literal, naked, knees-on-the-bed, lights-on, everyone-can-see-me kind, feels like someone flipped on the stadium lights and handed you the mic. Suddenly you're the main event, fully exposed, every roll, jiggle, and fold on full display. No sheet to hide under, no sneaky side-entry camouflage. Just you, gravity pulling everything south, and a partner staring up like they're at the front row of the best show in town.

Your stomach does that completely normal fold thing. Thighs are just... existing. Face? Is it doing something weird? You're suddenly back in convent school assembly, teacher glaring: “Beta, sit properly. Why are you moving like that?”

Why It Feels Even Worse If You’re Not 100% Body-Confident

If you’ve grown up learning to keep your body small, quiet, covered, or “presentable”, suddenly being asked to take up space, physically and sexually, can short-circuit your nervous system.

You’ve had years of hush-hush sex ed, mirrors that were never kind, casual comments about weight/posture/"beta thoda adjust kar lo", plus porn expectations that nobody actually looks like in real life. 

Your body image doesn't clock out just because you're horny. You're not insecure. You're just very, very aware.

But here's the sneaky part: cowgirl is also the spot where you control the pace, the depth, the angle. It's powerful once you kick the porn critic out of your head.

Things That Tend to Help People Feel Less Weird Up There

Dim the damn lights

Full harsh lighting is nobody's friend. Fairy lights, candles, or just the bedside lamp on low? Instant mood boost.

Keep a little armor (lingerie, tank top, whatever feels sexy)

Who said you have to be naked? A cute bralette that pushes things up or a silky slip that skims your curves can make you feel like a queen instead of exposed. Many women swear by crotchless panties. Full access without the full reveal.

Remember that your partner is not doing a visual audit

They are not ranking your angles. They are not zooming in on your stomach. They are mostly thinking: “Wow. This is happening.”

Let movement be imperfect

It doesn’t have to look smooth or rhythmic or like anything you’ve seen online.
Real bodies move in slightly chaotic ways. That’s the appeal.

Start in reverse (facing away)

Less eye contact means less “Oh god, they're seeing everything.” Plus, the view for them is usually spectacular (hello, butt appreciation), and you can control depth without feeling watched.

Give your body something else to do

Hands on a chest. Leaning forward. Hair pulling (giving or receiving). When your body is engaged, your brain has less space to spiral.

Allow pauses

You don’t have to keep moving every second. Stillness isn’t failure.
Sometimes it’s hot. Sometimes it’s grounding. Sometimes it’s just… human.

If You’re the Partner: How People Actually Feel Safer

This part matters more than technique ever will.

What helps, consistently:

• Verbal reassurance that isn’t performative
  Not “you’re so hot” on autopilot. More like: “I love watching you like this.” Specific. Present. Real.

• Letting her set the pace without commentary
  No corrections. No jokes about rhythm. No “do this instead”.

• Touch that grounds, not directs
  Hands that say “I’m here”, not “I’m controlling.”

• Checking in without killing the mood
  A quiet “you okay?” can be intimate, not awkward.

• Never treating discomfort like a flaw to fix
  Comfort grows. Pressure kills it.

Real Life Stories (Reddit is Our Friend)

One woman shared that she hated being on top because she felt “too visible”. What changed wasn’t practice, it was her partner closing his eyes, pulling her closer, and saying, “Take your time.” The performance anxiety melted.

One woman hated it until she started wearing lace lingerie that "tucked things in." Now she's giggling and owning it with no more rolls anxiety.

Another said she only got comfortable once she stopped trying to “look sexy” and focused on how it felt in her hips and thighs. “The second I stopped checking my reflection in his eyes, it got easier.”

Someone tried reverse cowgirl first: “Facing away meant I could focus on how it felt instead of how I looked. Built confidence slowly.”

A common thread?
Nothing magical.
Just safety, patience, and permission to be imperfect.

Conclusion: You Don’t Owe the Position Confidence

Being on top isn’t a test.
It's about feeling in charge. Your body isn't a flaw; it's the one doing the work, the one chasing pleasure. Once you stop waiting to "look right" and start moving for how it feels, the confidence sneaks in.

So next time, dim the lights, wear that sexy bralette, tell your inner aunty to shush, and climb on. You might surprise yourself (and him) with how good it gets when you stop hiding.

Confidence isn’t something you bring into the position.
Sometimes, it’s something that arrives later, quietly, once your body realises it’s safe.

And honestly?
That’s still being on top.

If you’ve ever wondered who taught you to feel watched even when you’re alone, check out “Beta, sit properly”: How Early Shame Shapes Women.

And if being on top still feels like a lot on certain days, remember: pleasure doesn’t have to rely on one position alone. Sex toys and vibrators can take pressure off performance and help you stay connected to sensation instead of self-conscious thoughts. A good lubes also makes a huge difference—less friction, more comfort, smoother movement, and easier control when you’re experimenting with angles or pace. Whether solo or partnered, the right toys and lubes can turn cowgirl into something that feels supportive, playful, and deeply pleasurable—on your terms.

About the Author

Madhu (she/her) has been an avid reader of all things spicy since her childhood. She writes sassy blog posts and listicles now so that others may benefit from her wholly inappropriate, wholly informative tastes, too.