Let’s start with a simple question: When was the last time someone hugged you for longer than two seconds… and it didn’t feel like your body went into flight-or-freeze?

If your brain just produced a loading screen, congratulations: you might be touch starved.

Touch starvation is basically what happens when your body is quietly whispering, “Please pet me,” while your social conditioning is yelling, “Distance! Respect! Sanskaar!” It’s not even about sex. It’s about basic, grounding, “I exist and someone else acknowledges that” human touch. The kind we were taught to treat like it’s a luxury item.

And the wild part?
Most Indians don’t even realise they’re touch starved. We grew up dodging relatives’ stiff, awkward hugs, flinching when parents tried anything vaguely affectionate, and being told “good girls don’t sit too close” like proximity itself was a crime scene.

So yes, half the country is touch-starved.
We just rebranded it as “stress.”

Growing Up in the Great Indian Touch Drought

If you grew up in a typical Indian home, affection wasn’t scarce, it was regulated. Like tissues at a canteen: one per person, use sparingly, don’t ask for more.

Parents kept a polite three-foot buffer between each other. You rarely saw them hug growing up, let alone kiss. Hugs were rare and usually reserved for school report cards or airport scenes. Siblings expressed love by drop-kicking each other onto the sofa. Couples could barely hold hands outdoors without people staring daggers at them.

By adulthood, most of us are emotionally dehydrated and physically under-hugged, and suddenly we’re in our 20s thinking, “Oh… I actually don’t know how to receive affection without overthinking every molecule of it.”

Why Your Body Actually Needs Touch

Here’s the cute-and-simple version: When someone hugs you, your body releases oxytocin. It’s the hormone responsible for bonding, calmness, and crying when a chooses to sit in your lap. Touch also lowers cortisol, regulates your nervous system, and tells your brain, “Relax babes, we are not being hunted.”

Without touch, your brain turns into a jittery street cat who hisses at shadows, panics at email notifications, and thinks the world is ending if someone takes 12 minutes to reply.

How Touch Starvation Sneaks Into Daily Indian Life

Touch-starved behaviour in India is almost a genre:

• A scalp massage makes you cry.

• You lean on a friend “for one second” and mysteriously never move again.

• A stranger brushing past you on the metro sends a full-body shockwave of sensation.

• Dogs make you feel more emotionally supported than most humans.

• Someone hugs you and your body panics like “??? what do I do with my arms ???”

• And the classic: you haven’t been hugged in so long that your hugs now involve three awkward pats like you’re burping an infant.

If any of this made your soul flinch… welcome to the club.

How To Know if You’re Touch Starved

Quick Checklist:

• I crave affection but don’t know how to ask for it 

• I fall asleep faster when someone touches my hair 

• I overreact emotionally because I’m starved for comfort 

• I get overwhelmed when someone hugs me unexpectedly 

• I overattach quickly when someone gives me even minimal affection 

• I feel lonely even surrounded by people 

• I rewatch emotional scenes in movies just to feel something 

• A 30-second head massage feels like therapy 

If you relate with 3 or more, you might need a little help.

So What Do You Do If You're Touch Starved?

Good news: this is fixable, and gently so.

Start with small, safe, non-sexual touches. Let a friend hug you for a few extra seconds. Sit closer to people you trust. Cuddle with your partner without turning it into a high-pressure prelude to sex. Think of it like stretching a stiff muscle: slow, steady, no drama.

If touch makes you tense, begin with things that mimic the sensation without involving another human: weighted blankets, soft fabrics, scalp oiling, massages, hugging a pillow, petting a dog, cuddling a soft toy. Let your nervous system relearn safety.

And don’t underestimate self-touch.

Not sexual, just comforting.
Massaging your own shoulders, stroking your arms, applying moisturiser slowly, placing a hand on your chest during anxiety spikes. Let yourself feel held… by you.

And if it becomes sensual? That’s normal. Safety builds trust, which leads to intimacy.

It’s all part of the same ecosystem.

Real Stories From Real Desis

M, 27, realised she’d never been properly hugged as a kid. “The first time a friend hugged me for more than two seconds, I cried into her hair. She thought I was joking. I was not.”

T, 31, describes scalp massages as her personal anti-anxiety medication.

A, 24, says he didn’t know he was touch starved until a friend casually placed a hand on his back. “I think I had my first panic attack,” he says.

S, 29, both loves and hates cuddles. “I’m learning. One hand-hold at a time.”

Conclusion

Being touch starved doesn’t make you needy. It makes you normal in a culture that teaches closeness but forgets to teach comfort.

Your body is not asking for a lot: just warmth, softness, and a moment where someone holds you like you matter. A longer hug. A gentle hand. A shoulder you can lean on without performing strength.

Start small. Touch your own arm. Hug a friend. Let someone rest a hand on your back. Give your body a chance to remember what safety feels like.

And when you’re ready, explore deeper intimacy, with yourself or with someone who makes you feel held.

Your body has been waiting for you.

And as you start reconnecting with your body, remember—pleasure can be playful, too. A little help from lubes, a gentle vibrators, or cozy sex toys can turn comfort into connection and remind you that your body deserves care in every form.