Alright, my pleasure-seeking pals, let’s talk about a little (okay, major) misconception that’s ruining perfectly good bedroom (or couch, or shower, or backseat–wink wink) fun: this ridiculous idea that an orgasm is the only way to cross the “successful sex” finish line. 

Who decided this? Hollywood? The patriarchy? That one person who thinks they’re Casanova because they read an article on the G-spot once? Ugh! Just because every steamy scene on the screen ends with synchronized, dramatic, sweat-glazed gasps doesn’t mean sex isn’t valid unless it ends in fireworks. Let’s be real—sometimes the fireworks fizzle, and sometimes you don’t even need them to have an amazing time.

The Societal Scam That Ruined Good Sex

Society has been feeding us a steady diet of “if you didn’t orgasm, it doesn’t count” messaging for years. Think about it: do any of those steamy Hollywood scenes show the in-between moments? The giggles, the awkward readjustments, the “wait, my leg is cramping” pauses? Real sex is messy, unpredictable, and not always about some grand finale.

And let’s talk about the pressure. If you go into every intimate moment with a goal of “must orgasm” stamped on your forehead, you’re not in the moment—you’re performing. Remember that Friends episode when Chandler straight-up could not ‘get it up’ after he and Monica got engaged? He was so in his head about it that he psych-ed himself out. 

But here’s the thing—what if they had just enjoyed the moment instead of treating it like an exam he had to pass? What if he had said, “You know what, Mon? Let’s just fool around and have some fun.” Imagine the freedom! The intimacy! The opportunity for creative detours (which, frankly, are sometimes way better than the destination).

Then there’s Joey—our lovable himbo—who once had to abstain from finishing because of a scientific experiment (classic Joey). But instead of freaking out, he turned his attention to his partner (albeit, because of Monica’s suggestion) and—wait for it—still had a good time. Mind-blowing, right?

What if "Finishing" isn’t the Goal?

Now, let’s flip the script. Some people don’t need an orgasm to feel satisfied. Shocking, I know! But for some, physical closeness, touch, and tending to their partner is more fulfilling than chasing their own climax.

Take stone tops, for example. These are people (often queer, often women, but not exclusively) who love pleasuring their partners but don’t necessarily want to be touched in return. Their satisfaction comes from giving pleasure, not from receiving it. And lesbi-honest, that’s valid as hell too.

Or what about people who are anorgasmic (meaning they physically can’t orgasm)? What about people on SSRIs, or other medication which makes it harder to finish? Are they doomed to a life of bad sex? Of course not! Because sex isn’t about just one act or one moment—it’s about connection, exploration, and, most importantly, enjoyment. 

On the other side, there are the ladies who can go again and again, like some sensual Duracell Bunny. If sex is just about hitting that one peak, where does that leave them? Stuck in some purgatory of "I guess we just keep going until someone taps out"? No, thank you.

Sex should be about exploration, connection, and pleasure in all its forms—whether that means a mutual masturbation session, a lazy Sunday morning makeout that goes nowhere (but leaves you both giggling and turned on), or a slow, sensual experience where the journey is the point.

Redefining "Good Sex"

Instead of asking, “Did we finish?” let’s start asking: 

✔ Did we have fun?

✔ Do we feel satisfied?

✔ Was there connection, pleasure, and intimacy?

If the answer is yes, congratulations, you just had great sex! Whether or not you hit the so-called “goal” doesn’t matter. Because the journey—the teasing, the touching, the laughing, the moments of deep connection—is where the magic happens.

So next time you’re feeling the pressure—whether it’s from yourself, your partner, or just years of bad rom-com conditioning—remember: it’s not a race, it’s a road trip. And sometimes, the best part is pulling over to enjoy the view.

Now go forth and get it on however the hell you want.

About the author: 

Madhu (she/her) has been an avid reader of all things spicy since her childhood. She writes sassy blog posts and listicles now so that others may benefit from her wholly inappropriate, wholly informative tastes too.