The tension is thick, hands are roaming - and then boom - how do I ask “uhh… should I let my hands slide south?” in the middle of this?
Bestie, asking for consent should be hot, not feel like you’re filling out a Google Form.

The trick? Make it sexy. Make it so irresistible that consent isn’t just a step—it’s the whole damn foreplay.

And I’m going to tell you exactly how you do it.

Tell a Story:

Instead of a dry, “Can I go down on you?” flip the script and make it a game of seductive storytelling. Try saying - “I want to tell you exactly what I want to do to you, and you can stop me anytime if there’s something you’re not into.”

Then, go on to describe everything you wanna do to their body. This technique turns consent into a slow, delicious tease. By describing your desires in detail, without rushing into action, you’re letting your partner mentally explore the scenario, feel the excitement build, and also decide what feels good to them.

It’s pure anticipation. Plus, it keeps the conversation open-ended, letting them express boundaries without pressure. The result is more comfort, more excitement, and an electrifying prelude to whatever happens next.

The Passionate Whisper Way:

Slow it down. Get close. Let your breath ghost over their skin. Come near their ears. Make every word feel like a tease. Consent doesn’t have to be loud - it can be a teasing whisper that makes them ache for more.

“I want you so bad right now… tell me I can have you?”
“I can’t stop thinking about pressing my lips right here… Would you like that?”

Not only does this check in with your partner, but it also builds ridiculous tension. Win-win.

Ask Them First:

“Tell me something you’ve always wanted to try but never have… ”

When they confess what turns them on and describe their wild fantasies, it does two things - makes them feel safe and insanely turned on. And once they’ve let a little fantasy slip? Oh, they’ll want to know yours.

You’ll be able to create a beautiful segue from here to expressing whatuu wanna do, and be on the same page about both ideas :)

Keep Consent Flowing: 

Consent isn’t a one-time thing, it’s a dirty little dialogue that needs to be continuous. One of the sexiest ways to check in is to make it part of your moment.

 
“Mmm… you like that, don’t you?”
“Tell me exactly how much you want it.”
“Should I go slower… or make you beg for it?”

This way, you can keep checking that they’re completely into what’s happening, and double-check that you aren’t crossing any boundaries, without breaking the sexy air.

The Reverse Psychology: 

You can turn consent into pure, panting desperation. A little reverse psychology turns asking into aching, teasing into torture, and suddenly, they’re the ones demanding more.

“I’d love to use this massager on you… but I don’t think you can handle it.”
“Mmm, I was this close to kissing you… but you’ll have to beg for it first.”
“I could take this off… but only if you ask me nicely.”

Before you even finish your sentence, they’ll be saying yes, please, and whatever you want.

Now that you know how to make consent irresistible, you may also want to check out How Important Is Sex to a Woman? to dive deeper into what truly matters in intimacy.

For my MBA Girlies, there are so many tricks from your class that you can bring to bed:

BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement):

Negotiation pros swear by BATNA, which essentially means having a super solid strong backup. When you’ve got a sexy backup plan, rejection doesn’t sting, it seduces. This means that if your partner isn’t into something, you don’t pout - you pivot. You can just a smooth, playful shift to something equally uffff, which might be something they’d love as well.

"Okay, skipping that for now. What about this?" 
"Don’t want me to go down? No worries, do you wanna try this vibrator instead?"

This shifts rejection from a mood-killer to an opening for something equally fun and makes every “no” just an invitation to explore something even better. 

The Yes Ladder: 

Salespeople use a Yes Ladder to get customers in a yes mindset by starting with small agreements before moving to bigger tasks. So, you’ve to start small, build heat, and soon, every yes feels inevitable.

"Do you like it when I kiss you here?" (Yes)
"Do you want me to keep going?" (Yes)
"How about I take things up a notch?" (Yes!)

By stacking tiny, easy yes! yes! yes! - you create an unforced, delicious flow of escalating consent - without ever making it feel like a checklist.

The Ben Franklin Effect: 

The Ben Franklin Effect is a sneaky psych trick. When someone makes choices for you, they feel more connected to you. In the bedroom, this means letting them take the reins while you follow their lead.

"Tell me all the places you want to be touched."
"Where should my hands go next?"

Instead of asking for consent, you’re handing over the power and that shift? Ridiculously hot. Now, they’re not just saying yes… they’re owning the moment. 

The Decoy Effect: 

Businesses use the Decoy Effect by presenting three options where one makes one choice naturally stands out as the clear winner. 

“We could cuddle and make out… OR we could see where our hands wander… OR do you want me to go inside you?”

Notice how the last option (which involves explicit verbal consent) suddenly feels like the most exciting one? That’s the Decoy Effect in action.

Loss Aversion: 

Humans hate missing out more than they love gaining something new - it’s called Loss Aversion. By teasing what they could have (but might not get), you create an unbearable pull.

“I was going to tell you my naughtiest fantasy… but I’m not sure if you’re ready for it.”
“I was about to do something incredibly hot to you… but maybe I shouldn’t…”

Suddenly, saying no isn’t just turning something down, it’s losing something mind-blowing. 

Babe, you’re now more than well set to say bye to the uhh, should we?” energy and ready for the “I need you to say yes right now!” mood :)

About the author: 

Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.