If you were a sexually active and socially responsible adult before March 2020, chances are that you’ve been at least a little less sexually active and a lot more socially responsible. At least, I hope you have. No one wants to be that person. The person who caught and spread Covid-19 because they were too horny to stay inside during a pandemic. That would be a very embarrassing way to catch Covid-19! Not more embarrassing than rich people vacationing in luxury hotels in the Maldives and catching the virus from other rich people, granted, but a close second.
So now what? It’s all well and good being socially responsible, but unless you’re living with your partner/s (which, if you are: We Hate You, but also, Nice), it’s likely that by now your lady parts are in a funk. There’s only so far watching pornography and masturbating can get you before you’re staring out your window and into the middle distance and contemplating the banality of existence.
This is where sexting enters. Hear us out. It’s different, it’s new, you probably don’t do it that often. (Think of it like learning a new skill. Say, knitting. Or ambidexterity.) (If you’ve never masturbated and typed at the same time, you may actually learn ambidexterity.) It’s socially-distanced and safe, no chance of you getting Covid-19 through typos. And importantly—if you follow these guidelines—it can get you really revved up.
Go organic. You can’t plan for a sext conversation to begin at a scheduled time. But a sext conversation can spring from anything. Watch for those openings, build up the back-and-forth, and go slow. If you and your partner are talking about how much you miss each other, and the last time you interacted, follow that thread. What do you miss about each other? What was special about the last time you interacted? What do you want to do next time?
Seize the opportunity. Don’t be ambiguous. Make your intentions clear so that your partner has the decision-point at which to accept or decline. Something like, “I want you” is an old one but a gold one; so is “I wish you were here and we were _________ right now”.
Don’t overthink it. Feel free to draw on from personal experiences and stuff you and your partner have already done. There’s no need to get too technical and start googling anatomy. Have fun with it, and realise that your partner wants to have fun with you, too.
Be collaborative. That said on not getting too technical, don’t be too vague either. Emphasise visuals and details that appeal to you. E.g., “I love your _______ when it looks _______” This helps your partner have something to work with. Ask specific questions, probe gently (always gently ;)), in a way that shows you’re engaged and building on top of your partner’s answers. So less, “Tell me more” and “Then what?”, which tend to be one-sided. More, “What would you like me to do next?” and “What are you picturing?” and “I’m feeling ________. What about you?”
Get creative! This is the space where disbelief is suspended. Get freaky with it (if you’d like to). Share fantasies you might feel shy about sharing in bed. Do not judge, and ye shall not be judged. Also, the world is wider than selfies and nudes. Try voice notes too, recording how you sound at the edge of climax, or encouraging your partner on.
- Feel comfortable. All this said, if you feel like crawling out of your own skin while sexting, you’re probably doing it wrong. There is no conventional wisdom on the right way to sext. If you don’t want to send nudes, don’t. If you don’t want to receive nudes, tell your partner, “I love what we’re doing right now over text, it’s getting me really _______. If you’re comfortable with that, is it okay if we stick to text?” Similarly, make sure your partner is comfortable as well. Give them a heads up when you upload media to the chat. Check in every now and then: “How are you feeling right now?”
These six tips, along with some great resources on how to open and sustain a sext conversation, should tide you over nicely. Go on, start tapping that keyboard (and tapping that virtual ass)! 🍑
About the author:
Shreya is a kickass writer (of course). She is doing some brilliant work at a development consulting firm, digs reading and all things pop culture.