When someone says a ‘threesome,’ what pops into your brain? Heat’s turned up to max and it’s just one giant, steamy pleasure fest, right? And of course, you’re sitting there thinking, “Ooooh, yesss please!” ‘cause, I mean, c'mon - those wild vids you’ve scrolled through make it look like an absolute dream.

But slow your roll, hotshot! That’s just the Hollywood version. It’s actually got layers, baby. It’s not as effortless as they make it seem. But don’t stress - Aunt Sassy’s here to serve up the full, unfiltered scoop, so you’ll be strutting in like a seasoned pro. Let’s break it down, shall we? 

Sooo, why do you wanna go there, bestie?

Alright, let’s pause for a sec - before you dive into this spicy ménage à trois, have a lil' heart-to-heart with yourself. Is it a fantasy you’ve always had? Are you curious to explore a new side of your sexuality? What’s your reason?

And here’s why it’s important - If your bedroom life has hit a bumpy road and you’re thinking a threesome’s gonna be some magic pixie dust - pump your brakes. Getting another person into the mix won’t magically turn things into a rom-com montage. If you and bae are already on shaky ground, this could turn into a hot mess real quick. 

BUTT,  if this is all about trying something new  - go off, babe! Maybe you’re not into open relationships but want to dip your toes into something spicy, like a one-time kinkfest. Or maybe you’re both spending a lot of time with someone and think, “Hey, why not?” The key here is to set your intention before things get steamier.

Spill the tea & draw your lines

When you bring it up to your boo for the first time, do it with care, okay? This convo isn't a casual “where do you wanna for dinner” deal. Your partner might get jealous or insecure, and guess what? That’s totally normal! Just keep your cool, explain your why, and make sure they know this is a no-pressure, all-fun zone.

And remember, this ain’t about you putting on your best Shark Tank pitch to convince your boo. They need to feel 100% comfy making their own call. If they’re the one who brought it up, make sure you feel genuine excitement (or at least curiosity). And if you’re not feeling it? Don’t fake it- be upfront. Honesty’s hotter than any fantasy.

Also, let your boo know - this ain’t about being unsatisfied in any way. Think of it like adding some extra seasoning to an already bomb dish. Once you’ve cleared the air, chat it out, and then chat some more - like, talk until you’re so aligned you could finish each other’s sentences. That’s how synced up you need to be for this to work.

Now, talk nitty-gritties. Who’s joining the party - a mutual friend or someone you swiped right on? What’s a yes and what’s a hell no? Are we okay with the third wheel crashing overnight? Maybe you’re cool with oral sex but want to keep penetrative action off the table. Or you’re all about keeping it strictly sex and not turning it into a cuddle-fest.

Oh, and for the love of all things sexy, pleeeease have a safe word and an exit plan in case someone catches the feels or things get awkward. Sure, hashing out the details might sound like a buzzkill, but trust me - it’s the secret to a drama-free, fun-as-hell threesome.

And the biggest rule of all? No one should ever feel like they’re “taking one for the team.” If anyone isn’t 100% vibing with it, then just hit pause. Everyone needs to be all in or not in at all. It’s gotta be a full-on yes from everyone, or it’s a hard pass.

Treasure hunt for your third -

You’ve got plenty of options. You could scroll through your contacts and see who might be game. You’d be surprised how many people might be flattered instead of weirded out by the suggestion.

Some people swear on dating apps but if that isn't your thing : hit up bars, clubs, or places where adventures happen. Think cruising spots or sex parties. Just remember, these spots come with their own set of unspoken rules, so keep your radar on for consent signals.

Regardless of where you find your third, make sure both you and your partner feel comfy with them. The last thing you need is unnecessary tension, awkwardness or a fight later.

Pre-game & Etiquettes with your Third :  

Before you hit the sheets, let’s lay the groundwork. Grab drinks or coffee with the third at a chill spot where you can vibe, set boundaries, and chat about what’s gonna go down. Think of it as a pre-game strategy sesh, but way hotter. 

After your hangout, chat with your partner about how you both felt. Are you both still excited and on the same page? If yes, go full steam ahead!  If you’re the single player in this mix, check in with yourself - were you comfy with the couple you met? Are you still hyped about it? 

Now, let’s talk about threesome etiquette - yes, there’s etiquette involved! Couples, don’t get so wrapped up in your own love bubble that you forget your third is a full-on human with their own needs and boundaries. Listen up, respect their vibes, and treat their comfort levels with as much care as your own.

And hey, don’t ditch them after the fun’s over! Whether it’s a lift home, covering their Uber, or just making sure they get back safely, be the host with the most. 

Post-threesome appreciation? Yes, please! Even if it was a one-time thing, a little gesture like sending flowers, a sweet card, or a thoughtful text can show you valued the experience and respect them beyond the sheets. Keep it classy, keep it cool, and keep it memorable!

OKAY, WE’RE ABOUT TO GET INTO IT, WHAT SHOULD I KNOW?

So, you’re about to dive into your first threesome - super exciting, right? But remember: it’s not gonna be a flawless, fairy-tale scenario. Forget those perfectly choreographed fantasies. Expect a little messiness, and that’s totally fine!

Yes, chatting beforehand helps, but no amount of planning will make it a picture-perfect moment. If it doesn’t go exactly how you imagined, don’t freak out. You’ve got two options: decide it’s not your thing, or learn from the experience and come back with a fresh perspective. Roll with the punches and keep it fun!

Oh, and just so you know: that first time a third hand touches you, it’s going to feel… well, weird! It can be jarring when you’re deep in the moment with your partner and suddenly feel someone else’s hand or lips. It’s a bit of a sensory overload, which might be great fun but also a slightly new feeling!

Also, please focus on giving as much as you get. Yeah, it’s fun to fantasize about two people lavishing you with affection, but threesomes are more like a three-way dance. Everyone needs to be equally involved, present, and open to new things. If you’re just lounging around waiting to be worshiped, it’s not going to be much fun for anyone else. Be generous with your hands, mouth, and attention. The more effort you put into pleasing everyone, the more you’ll get back in return.

It’s sexy when your safe :

Party people, protection isn’t optional when it comes to threesomes. Your third would’ve probably had their own bedroom adventures, so this is absolutely non-negotiable. Stock up on condoms, dental dams, and all the safe sex gear you can get your hands on.

Skip the booze or drugs. You want consent to be crystal clear from start to finish. Pro tip: reiterate the safe word a couple of times to ensure anyone can shift gears if things get iffy.

Also, if your third’s more of a stranger than a friend, meet up somewhere neutral - hello, hotel!

The Afterparty :

Remember, this isn't your usual cozy lovemaking with just bae - where the afterglow naturally slides into hours of cuddles and playful goofing around. Are you now gonna grab a drink together? Maybe hop in the shower?

Is your third crashing the night? Cool, plan out the morning breakfast. If they’re bouncing, make sure they’ve got a solid exit strategy - no one wants a messy goodbye. 

Here’s the low-key golden nugget: a post-threesome Q&A is so underrated. After things cool off, have a real talk about what worked, what didn’t, and how everyone felt about the whole thing. Just a heads-up though: make sure this convo isn’t a surprise. No one wants to be hit with deep thoughts when they’re still riding the post-threesome wave. But when everyone’s expecting it, this check-in can lead to a tighter connection, and who knows - maybe round two will be better than the first!

Leveling Up :

Aunt Sassy never leaves you with just your to-do guides, she’ll always give more sparkle and glitter to make your experiences the besttt!

• Start with Dirty Talk & Video Play :
  Before you go all-in, dip your toes in by fantasizing out loud or even having some steamy video fun with a third. Think of it as a warm-up sesh for the main event - it’ll help you both figure out if you’re into the group vibe without diving in headfirst.
  
  
• Jealousy’s Gonna Test You :
  Yep, it might make a guest appearance. The trick? Focus on your partner's pleasure and yours. If the green-eyed monster shows up, don’t ignore it - pause, talk it out, and make sure everyone’s still feeling good.
  
  
• Surprise! You’ve Got New Roles :
  You might discover new roles that surprise you. Stay open-minded, go with the flow, and embrace the new dynamics that come with a threesome. You never know - you might just find something new to love.
  
  
• Bring Out the Toys
  You can never have too much fun, can you? It’s already two tongues, and ofcourse we should add more! Have my favorite, LIT, or any of your bedroom besties ready on the nightstand. PS : Don’t forget lots of lube!
  
  
• Feeling left out :
  Sometimes, one person might feel a little left out. If it happens, hit pause, talk it out, and adjust. No one should be feeling neglected while the fun’s going down.
  
  
• Reconnect with your bae :
  If threesomes become a regular thing, don’t forget to take a timeout and focus on each other. It’s important to keep that couple bond strong.
  

Now that you've made it this far - I'm sure you're gonna write a wild story for your group chat! It’s gonna be one heck of a ride.

About the Author:

Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.