Story time. I grew up in a small town where sex education was pretty much skipped over, and even topics like menstruation were taught to us girls in tiny groups, behind closed doors, with the classic "don’t tell the boys" warning before we went back to class.

Now, this story is about one of my classmates. Unlike me, she didn’t get the chance to spread her wings in a big city or really explore life. Sure, she was educated, but maybe not “life educated,” if you get what I mean.

A few days after her wedding, I gave her a call to check in, and her first words were, “It was awful, I never want to go through that again.” Naturally, I asked why, and she opened up about how uncomfortable and painful her first time was. She even cried through it.

At first, I thought, "Okay, must’ve been her husband’s fault, right?" But as I pressed her for more details, she admitted she had no clue what to do. Even though her husband was trying to be sweet and loving, she just lay there like a board—stiff, eyes closed, totally disconnected.

And that’s when it hit me: her story isn’t all that rare, even in our generation

No judgments, here

We all grow up with our own mix of culture, traditions, and let’s be honest, a bit of baggage. It’s not always about whether you're from a small town or a big city, or even your class or caste. Sometimes, it's just about personal choices—maybe you’re not ready to explore certain things, and that’s totally okay. We respect that. But let's face it, sex is a big part of life and a personal need. So, how do you make sure you have a happy, blissful, and comfortable marital life where you connect with your partner on not just a deep emotional level, but a physical and sexual one too?

Even though the world—and yes, even India—is opening up about sex, it’s still not fully accepted to explore this side of life before marriage in some cultures. And some women genuinely want to honour that. No judgement here! In fact, we want to remind you that it’s completely fine to choose your path without feeling pressured or shamed.

That said, if you’re doing it for the very first time, we’ve got some tips and suggestions to help you avoid the “deer in headlights” situation that a lot of women (like my friend) face. Because let’s be real, going in clueless can lead to a whole lot of confusion, and eventually discomfort.

So, how do you go about it? Let’s say you’re a first-time bride and a virgin. You’ve done your research—read every article, listened to every podcast, and scrolled through endless online advice. But truth be told, no amount of Googling prepares you for what happens in real life. It’s totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed! So, let me break it down and simplify things for you.

First up: talk beforehand. This isn’t something you want to leave for the heat of the moment. Have a conversation with your partner about your sexual history—if you’re comfortable, of course. And if you haven’t done the deed yet, be honest about it! Let him know it’s your first time. Here’s why: if he’s experienced, he’ll (hopefully) understand how to make it easier and more comfortable for you. He might be able to guide the way gently and set the pace.

On the other hand, if he’s also a newbie, great! You two can navigate this first-time experience together. It’s all about teamwork—exploring, laughing, and figuring it out as you go. The key is communication: set the stage with honesty so you both know what to expect, and take the pressure off having to "perform."

So break the ice beforehand!

Let me be blunt—don’t let your first moment of intimacy happen on your wedding night. That’s too much pressure! Have a conversation beforehand to ease those nerves. You don’t have to get graphic, but setting expectations, sharing what excites you, and maybe even laughing about your nerves will do wonders. Don’t just throw yourselves into the deep end without knowing how to swim. Talk about your boundaries, likes, dislikes, and maybe even fantasise a little. Trust me, it’s way more fun when you can laugh, connect, and know what’s coming (pun intended).

It is crucial to know your body. If you haven’t already started exploring, now’s the time. Get comfortable with yourself—try masturbating, use sex toys, or invest in a vibrator. It’s not just about the physical pleasure (though, trust me, that’s a big perk); it’s about understanding what turns you on, what feels good, and what doesn’t. When you know your body, you’re more in control, and nothing feels better than that! Introducing pleasure into your life before the big day helps you feel confident and less overwhelmed.

Foreplay is your best friend

Don’t just dive straight into the main event. Foreplay is essential, especially on your first night. Take your time—whether it’s kissing, touching, or whispering sweet (or dirty) nothings. The more relaxed and aroused you are, the better the experience will be. Your body needs time to, uh, warm up. 

Let me tell you about a friend of mine who had the most relatable first-night story ever. After all the wedding madness—festivities, endless rituals, she and her husband were absolutely exhausted. All they needed was a drink to unwind. So, they ended up in the balcony, just chatting about how wild the whole day had been. No grand seduction, no dramatic moves. Just two tired people decompressing after a long day.

As my friend tells it, the real magic happened when her husband listened to her rant about the 20kg lehenga, the non-stop smiling, and all the chaos. He patiently listened, offered words of comfort, and threw in some affirmations in between. And guess what? That was enough of a turn-on for her. It was organic, comforting, and sexy in its own way.

So, here’s the takeaway (and listen up, boys): you don’t always have to go overboard or try too hard. Sometimes, just being present, listening, and showing that you care is the best foreplay. A little sensitivity, patience, and genuine care can work wonders—sometimes even better than any grand romantic gesture.

Alright, so you’ve made it past the first-time jitters, awkward giggles, and the whole foreplay stage—go, you! Now, how do you navigate what comes next? Simple: be vocal and be open. Talk about what you need, what you like, and what you’re curious about. And be open to exploring together, but always with respect, love, and consent. 

Consider this your husband test: is he paying attention? Is he genuinely interested in your comfort and enjoyment, or is he just pushing his own agenda? If he’s really tuned in, that’s a big green flag. And if he’s not? Well, that’s something you’ll want to keep an eye on.

Also, remember: PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex doesn’t have to be the endgame on the first go. If you’re not ready, don’t force it—there’s absolutely no rush. But if you do feel like you’re up for it, there are some things you need to keep in mind.

Lube is a Lifesaver

First time nerves can mess with your natural lubrication, so don’t feel weird about using lube. It’s not a sign something’s wrong—it’s just a little extra help to make sure everything goes smoothly and comfortably. A lot of people think they won’t need it, but trust me, it’s better to have it and not need it than the other way around. It’ll make things less painful, more pleasurable, and will keep friction at bay. So stock up on a good quality, water-based lube and keep it nearby.

Also, do NOT let him rest with a condom on.

Girl, this one’s crucial: the condom comes off as soon as he’s done. Why? Because as his little buddy (aka his penis) starts to deflate, the condom can loosen up, which could lead to leakage or it getting stuck inside you. And no one wants that! So as soon as he finishes, make sure he removes it before things shrink. Think of it as a clean exit strategy. 

Aftercare is non-negotiable

What happens after sex is just as important as what happens during. Aftercare is all about taking a moment to reconnect, cuddle, talk, and make sure both of you feel comfortable and loved. Your body will be buzzing with all sorts of emotions (and maybe even soreness), so don’t skip this part. Grab some water, clean up, and just be there for each other. It’s a great time to laugh, reflect, or even ask how the experience was for both of you. A good aftercare routine can turn an awkward experience into a bonding one.

Don’t forget to pee after sex

This might not sound sexy, but girl, go pee after you’re done. It’s non-negotiable! This helps flush out any bacteria and reduces the chances of getting a urinary tract infection (UTI). Trust me, a UTI is the last souvenir you want from your wedding night. So, after all the fun, give yourself a little bathroom break. Your body will thank you.

My best tip for the first night though - just relax, and don’t let crazy expectations build up. 

Here’s the truth—your first time might not be mind-blowing, and that’s totally okay! It’s all about learning and exploring together. Don’t put too much pressure on the night being some grand, perfect moment. Just relax, enjoy each other, and have fun. You’ll have plenty of time to figure out what works for both of you. The more relaxed you are, the better it will be, so laugh off the awkward moments, and remember: good sex is a journey, not a one-night thing.

Also, check out our blogs on understanding slow sex and oral sex to improve your knowledge of sexual health.

About the author 

Disha (she/her) believes she's half therapist because people spill their guts to her with ease. But for now, she's writing sassy pieces on the internet about all things fun and pop culture. With a flair for wit and a curious spirit, she is all about digging into the saucy details of human intimacy.