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Make It to the Endzone: What Is Relationship & Sex Therapy?

a sketch of a couple sitting for a therapy session with a sex therapist

With millennials and Gen-Z embracing therapy, it’s easier to seek help from a mental health professional for yourself. There’s less taboo as we move towards a kinder world but there’s one therapy that still gets a lot of flak: relationship and sex therapy! The myth is that any couple who needs relationship/sex therapy is a failed couple because why do you need a third party to help you talk to each other and/or make love to each other? Isn’t that the most natural, easy thing in the world if you’re head over heels in love? Well, Aunt Sassy is here to bust this myth and the best way to bust any myth is through information. So, read on to know what exactly relationship/sex therapy is and how you and your partner can benefit from it even when you’re in a healthy, loving relationship! 

Relationship Therapy

It’s no surprise that it takes more than romantic gestures to keep the spark alive, in fact, if WhatsApp forwards are to be believed the spark dies after the honeymoon. But anyone in a loving relationship can tell you that while the spark may fade, it can always be brought back to life. And that takes work. Relationships take work and sometimes we need the help of an unbiased mental health professional, who knows their shit (pardon my French) to recognize where the relationship is faltering and how it can be strengthened. And while relationship therapy is often employed during tough times in a relationship, that doesn’t always have to be the case. It can and is helpful at any stage of a relationship and can be used to take preventative measures to protect your relationship.

Now, relationship therapy is different from individual therapy. While individual therapy focuses on personal development and examining an individual’s personal life which may include their relationship, relationship therapy focuses on the dynamics between the two individuals and on improving their relationship. 

When should you see a relationship therapist?

If Aunt Sassy hasn’t made it clear enough yet: THINGS DON’T NEED TO BE BAD FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER TO SEE A RELATIONSHIP THERAPIST. We had to be a little loud on that one to remove any stigma you may still be feeling about seeing a relationship therapist. That being said, here are some other circumstances where you might want to consider therapy: 

  1. Stressful period: You’re going through a stressful period in your life. Whether this stressful period directly affects just you, or your partner, or affects both of you, relationship therapy can help you navigate these difficult times in a way that doesn’t negatively impact your love.

  2. Lack of communication: If you have trouble communicating with one another. Maybe you feel your partner doesn’t listen to you or vice versa, maybe you feel you can’t say what you really want to say to them or maybe you feel your intention is translating badly when you try to communicate. Basically, any issues you face where the root is a problem in communication. 

  3. You’re not in sync: For whatever reason, you keep butting heads with your partner. Whether over a big fight or a minor disagreement, most conversations end with you bickering and both of you feeling irritated. 

  4. Infidelity: Cheating or being cheated on has a tremendous emotional impact on any relationship and needs to be addressed with the care and guidance of a counselor. 

Whatever your reason may be, know that you are taking the right step towards making your relationship even more amazing. 

Let’s talk about sex therapy, baby!

People often conflate relationship therapy and sex therapy because a relationship does include sex. However, sex therapy is a more specific niche and so, there are more specific therapists as well! You may find a relationship therapist who is also a sex therapist and vice versa, or you may not. But relationship therapy and sex therapy are not the same. Where couples therapy deals with the dynamic between the couple in everyday life, sex therapy deals with everything that goes on under the sheets. 

If couples therapy was a big taboo, oh boy, sex therapy is the mother of them all! As a culture, we hide sex and desire so of course, to seek help for it is extremely difficult. But as always, Aunt Sassy is here to remind you that whatever the issue, sex therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. 

Now, pop culture depicts sex as this easy, highly pleasurable, activity. Two people rip each other's clothes off, rip a condom (or not), and then voila, they have amazing sex with both climaxing at the same time. But more often than not, this is not how it goes at all. And more often than not, things crop up that make sex a difficult or even anxiety-inducing act. Sex therapy can help ease these difficulties and return the fun to the bedroom. Sex therapy is a lot like any therapy in the sense that it is a talking therapy and does not involve any touch. 

So what can sex therapy help with? Well, any problem in the bed really.

Let's explore some of the more common themes: 

  1. Sexual dysfunction: Whether it’s erectile dysfunction, painful erections, pain during sex in the vagina (vaginismus), or a struggle to climax. 

  2. Low Libido: A decrease in sexual desires that can be caused by a host of factors–stress, medications, medical conditions, hormonal changes, etc. 

  3. Pornography addiction: An unhealthy relationship with porn can negatively impact not just your sex life but your relationship with your partner and with people in general. Sex therapy can help rid of it. 

  4. Sexual trauma: Sexual trauma can greatly impact a person's ability to enjoy sexual activities. While individual therapy is extremely important to help the survivor work through their trauma, sex therapy can also benefit them by guiding them to view sex as a positive and pleasurable act again.

If you want to know more about sex therapy and sex therapists in an Indian context, you can always pick up a copy of Neha Bhat’s Unashamed.

How to get started?

So you’d like to explore either relationship therapy or sex therapy with your partner. Well, first things first is to have an open, honest discussion with your partner. If they’re open to it, that’s amazing! If they’re resistant at first, try explaining to them why this is so important to you and understand their hesitations and fears, and do your best to assuage them. 

Next, is finding a therapist. Now, it is important to find a licensed therapist who has a background in the fields you need counseling in. Remember that finding the right therapist can be a trial-and-error process and takes time but stick with it and trust the process! The best place to start looking for a therapist is through referrals. So if you have friends who have seen a relationship/sex therapist and were happy with the results, feel free to ask them for a referral! 

And above all, know that Aunt Sassy is proud of you for taking such an important step. 

Also, check out our blogs on Understanding slow sex and what is a kink and its types to improve your knowledge of sexual health.

 

About the Author:

Vidisha is a screenplay writer who also loves writing the occasional blogs. She's smitten by all things funny, sassy, and creative. And has the penchant for cracking the odd joke. She also wrote this bio. 

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