Navigating dating apps as a queer person can be a rollercoaster of emotions—exciting, frustrating, and everything in between. But behind the swipe-right excitement lies a darker reality. While this may come as a surprise to our straight friends, it's all too relatable for us in the queer community. Read on to peel back the layers and dive into the raw, unfiltered experiences of queer individuals on dating apps.
Kajal, Bhuj -
“This might sound like ancient history, but trust me, it still happens. People ask me what's between my legs and what my body ‘originally’ was. It feels like they're saying love is all about what's in your pants. I constantly get asked what gender fluid means - like, I'm glad they're curious, but the way they ask makes me super uncomfortable. Seriously, why not just Google it first?”
Lopa, Lucknow -
“I've grown a super thick skin and don't let people's nonsense get to me. Sadly, that's just how it is—you gotta get used to feeling uncomfortable if you want to stay on dating apps. I take my time to suss out if someone isn't homophobic before deciding to meet up. I've unmatched and blocked more people than four people combined.”
Prakriti, Mumbai -
“I had this one experience that made me quit for over a year. In just 10 to 12 days, I got hit up by 6 people asking if I'm into straight couples. Seriously, just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I'm down for threesomes. Maybe it was just a weird coincidence, maybe not, but getting those messages back to back made me delete the app. I haven't been able to get back on since.”
Riya, Jodhpur -
“This one's not my story, but it's from one of my besties. A cis guy made a fake profile as another girl just to see ‘what talking to a lesbian’ would be like. I've never made a dating profile myself, and after hearing my friends’ experiences, I don't plan to. I'm totally cool with sticking to the old-fashioned way.”
Amrita, Bangalore -
“I've had more luck meeting queer women the old school way- where one of their friends tell one of my friends that they're interested in me, until one of us finally gathers the courage to ask the other out. But on dating apps? Not a single date. I barely get matches.. When I do, I make the first move and then get ghosted. Or we get friendly and nothing more comes out of it.
I wonder if there's something equivalent to grindr for queer women? Am I missing something?”
Very very honestly, I tried to find some queer folks with good dating app experiences to balance things out, but I came up empty. Everyone I talked to had stories like the ones you just read. This piece is a major wake-up call for dating apps - it's time to create safer and better spaces for queer people. If making people feel safe and loved is your main gig, then you owe it to us to step up.
To my babies, we'll get there, I promise. We're going to demand better spaces, and if we don’t get it, we'll create these spaces ourselves. Until then, sending you a huge hug from Aunt Sassy and the whole TST crew.
-----------------
About the Author :
Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.
