Getting into the Perks of Mutual Masturbation
Do you know what's better than masturbating alone? Doing it with someone you like or while your partner is sitting back enjoying the view of a lifetime. Throw in some awesome adult products and you have a party!
Mutual masturbation is an expansive term that entails various experiences. Whether you like getting your bean flicked by a special someone, or crave the sight of boo jerking off while you show your huha some self-love using adult products—there are several ways you can try out masturbating or going solo together with a partner. We asked the renowned sexuality educator and one of the leading curators of our free online Sex Ed Masterclass, Karishma Swarup AKA @talkyounevergot about the ins and outs of mutual masturbation. She adds, “People masturbate in many different ways - it can be through their hands, with sex toys, or while exploring other parts of their body which are not genitals. So, the ways to masturbate with a partner really vary from person to person. What is truly important is the presence of ongoing communication to figure out what you and your partner are excited about and interested in.”
Sounds exciting, isn’t it? Well, keep reading to know more about all the ways mutual masturbation can spruce up your sex life and find the perfect sexual products online to get there quicker!
Adding the ‘mutual’ to masturbation
The act of touching yourself while someone’s around might not instantly be arousing for some. Rather, it may bring up certain insecurities or even stir a storm in the bedroom, especially when the conversation involves looking for sexual products online. In an attempt to understand such concerns, Karishma brought forward a valid point:
“People seem to think that penis-in-vagina intercourse is the most valid form of sex or that’s the only way to orgasm. Hence, a lot of times they feel confused when I suggest using sex toys with a partner, to which their immediate response is, ‘Okay, then what am I here for?’, and that shows how they might think if their partner can do this [using toys during mutual masturbation], then what is their value add in this equation. A few other concerns that I’ve often gotten are, one, some people being embarrassed about the way they masturbate, and them not being comfortable sharing that with a partner; and two, ‘I can orgasm when I am masturbating but not when I am with a partner’.”
This is where we emphasize the ‘mutual’ bit in mutual masturbation. Communication is key when it comes to any sexual experience, and the same applies to when you're in the mood to show yourself some self-love while using adult products, in front of or alongside boo. For most of us, masturbation has always been associated with me-time, going solo, or being in your own little space - it takes a lot of vulnerability, trust, and intimacy to let your partner see you in those moments while also being able to devour the delightful sight! You might not be able to dive into the idea at first, there may be awkward laughs and a few misses here and there, but that's what exploring is all about. And, there is a sea of opportunities with regard to investing in sexual products online.
Shawn, 25, currently working as a consultant elaborated, reflecting upon his own experiences as a queer man, "Before we tried that out [mutual masturbation], I didn’t know I could experience that level of bliss while I’m hitting it off down there in front of someone. Like we aren’t programmed that way, right? And, because I and my partner both have penises and different ways and duration of getting off, I thought it wouldn’t really work out. How would I be able to cum without feeling conscious about it? But, my partner and I both communicated this, we tried it out in a subtle way the first time and then discussed what was not working. So, the next time when the moment felt right, we sat on two separate corners of the room not facing each other, but just moaning and imagining our moments from before and I swear, that is hands down one of the best orgasms of my life. My advice would be to talk and seek consent of course constantly, and also it’s okay if it doesn’t work out how you envision it to be. Maybe you can try again, or don’t - completely up to you."
Why even try going down together?
"I think it’s a great way to explore sexuality that goes beyond penis-in-vagina intercourse (PIV)", Karishma adds, "one of the huge benefits of mutual masturbation, or using hands, and sex toys to stimulate your partner, is that you can really focus on their pleasure, and doing things that your partner enjoys." Hence, going beyond the normative sexual practices can help you define your pleasure better, tap into the different hotspots, help your partner feel more comfortable in knowing what gets your juices flowing, and also provides an exciting opportunity to connect with your partner on a deeper level. As put forth by Karishma, "Additionally, mutual masturbation can also help in taking off the pressure concerning 'performing' to get the other person aroused or experience pleasure. For example, a person with a penis doesn’t always have to be erect around say, someone with a vulva while they’re pleasuring their partner using hands, adult products like sex toys, etc."
Mutual masturbation can even be a great way to help bridge the orgasm gap. Here’s a quick video with sexuality educator, Karishma Swarup to give you the DL on the ABCs of the orgasm gap:
A 26-year-old hand poke tattoo artist, Jen, opens up about how being away from their partner of 6 months makes her cherish those moments of passion and sizzling chemistry while trying out different stints in bed. "We [me and my partner] spoke about how we wanted to try out masturbating in front of each other while the other person is watching. Since we both enjoy some level of exhibitionism, I remember how exhilarating it was. He kept guiding me verbally as to what my next move should be, how fast or slow I should go, and where I should touch myself more. I have a vibrator so I used that as well and he even held it for me you know! I asked him to stroke himself while watching me so you can imagine how intense it got!"
Things to keep in mind
By now, some of you must be wriggling your toes with sweet anticipation of having the conversation with your special someone, or even secretly nodding your head getting those tasteful flashbacks of your experience with mutual masturbation! And while you do that, let’s take note of the following Sassy suggestions before you take matters into your own hands (or, let your S/O take over - you do you):
- Consent, communication, and (after)care are the three indispensable essentials of every sexual experience. So, before you play around with the idea, give careful deliberation to why and how mutual masturbation can add to your sex life.
- Set the mood right by indulging in activities that might make the experience more familiar for you and your partner. For example, a good starting point can be watching porn together - feminist, ethical, and, having queer storylines say - since for a lot of us consuming porn and a wanking sesh goes hand-in-hand.
- Introduce sex toys to amp up frisky time. The presence of adult products in the bedroom can ease the process, heat things up, and even take your pleasure to level O in no time while making it an experience of a lifetime for you and your lover. Sit down with your partner and toy shop together as you check out your options for sexual products online - we’ve got you covered.
- Try pleasure mapping to tap into your hotspots. Karishma explains, “I love to recommend this activity to people since it facilitates conversation around which parts of your body you’d like to explore or experience pleasure in. It’s a simple activity wherein you can imagine yourself either alone or with a partner, draw an outline of your body on a piece of paper, and then explore every part of your body as you write down or color the same on paper - where you like to be touched, licked, spanked, tickled, scratched - whatever it may be or explore temperature, pressure, wetness, etc. So, once you’ve done that with your partner, you can use it as a tool to communicate with each other, talk about masturbation, talk about sexual pleasure and really define what mutual pleasure looks like for you.”
Seems like you’re all set to explore this journey for yourself, so go ahead and explore what mutual masturbation might have in store for you and your lover!
**Names of the participants have been fictionalized to maintain anonymity**