I realllllyyyyyy enjoy writing for That Sassy Thing. I get to be a nerd and go digging into the craziest sex experiments ever done. But, girl, that's not even the half of it. I get to dive into people's scandalous stories, squeeze out every detail, and whip up essays so spicy they'll set your screen on fire.
Now, hold onto your wig, 'cause I’m about to get to the juiciest part. Amrita, a Queen Bee at TST, hits me up one day and says, “Hem, we’re launching a new handheld vibrating massager- Candy.” I was internally screaming like a fan at a boy band concert. But what followed was even cooler, “We’d love to send it across to you even before we launch it into the market, and hear about every single way you tried it. Spill all the deets, babe ; leave nothing out.”
And oh boy, try I did!
1. Finger grip, lesssgooo!
Now, truth be told, I was a total newbie to the whole finger grip vibe thing. So naturally, I got wayyy too excited by it. I slid my finger in and started moving it around my vulva. The finger grip made the whole exploration like a breeze. I was so relaxed cause all I had to do was slide one finger and move it - and slide smoothly it did (Cue : smooth operator tune and a huge shoutout to DTF).
I was so wrapped up in the bliss of the first setting that I completely forgot that this baby had 11 more vibes. Four clitoral O's on the first mode alone! It set the mood so perfectly that I didn’t feel like switching. Rode that wave for quite a hot minute.
The finger grip is such a game changer besties. Handheld massagers should most definitely be your new thing to try in 2024.
2. Besharam ladki types kuch kare kya aaj?
Candy is one of the most sleek massagers I’ve ever laid my hands on. So, I tucked it away in my huge purse and entered a mall. Trust me, I had zero problems sneaking it in. Now, why a mall of all places on earth, you might wonder. The answer is - mall washrooms have the fastest and the best jet sprays!
I went into the washroom, slid my finger into Candy and Candy into me. Started with slow ins-and-outs, gradually cranking up the tempo. While Candy's doing its thing, I got my clit under attack from the high-speed water from the jet spray. The water's dancing to its own rhythm, and Candy's adding its spice.
Let me tell ya, it's not just one of my favorite times ever – it's a freakin' masterpiece. Candy, you sly little genius mini vibrating machine, you've earned your place in my hall of fame.
Disclaimer : That Sassy Thing in no way encourages / pushes the use of its products in public spaces. If you choose to do so, it's a risk you choose to take - very much like making out in a public space.
3. Let’s make the time LIT :
What do you do when you own multiple sex toys? You pair them up baby!
By now, you might have understood - I’m a sucker (all pun intended) for clit-play. That’s why I always find ways to sneak LIT in somehow. They forms a killer duo - it's like Batman and Robin, but for your naughty bits. Picture this: LIT has got the suction action at the clit, sending shivers down your spine. Meanwhile, Candy's doing its thing with penetration at the choice of your own vibration mode and pace.
I swear on all my orgasms, I nearly blacked out that day.
4. Fantasylandd :
Okay, so the day before I did this, me and my partner had a 3 hour sexting marathon that took me to another world. But, oh honey, I was out of home with no opportunity to act on those delicious thoughts, regardless of how turned on I was.
Fast forward to the next day, I sat in my room, switched the light off, and turned the AC on. I read the entire three hour conversation again, practically reliving every tantalizing word my partner had typed. The anticipation was killing me, but in the best way possible.
Now, here comes the good part. I slowly started to do to myself everything that my partner said he’d do. I moved Candy around my nipples for the beginning. I then proceeded to slowly take it down, switching between my vulva and inside- depending on how my partner had played it out. Everytime I thought of his ‘going down on me and fingers inside at the same time’ message - I moved Candy around my vulva and in went my own fingers :)
This rendezvous with Candy lasted a glorious hour. My friends, when fantasies and Candy shake hands (or fingers), you're in for one hell of a ride!
5. Sit tie-ght for this one :
Just a while ago, TST sent an amazing tie cum bandana. Gorgeous, right? As much as I loved it, I never really had the chance to put it to good use. What do I do? Blindfolding myself seemed a bit redundant, considering the pleasure was literally in the palm of my hands.
I folded myself up like a pretzel – you know, knees to chest, feet in front – and tied up my legs with that sassy bandana. I then took ice in one hand, rubbing it from side to side on my clitoris. Oh my god, I came once even before Candy touched me. I then slid it in, taking things slow, which is a whole different pace for me. I synced the rhythm of moving the ice with the pace of Candy, and the waterworks started. And it was a lot more than the ice melting ;)
Now, as my little pleasure experiment was reaching its climax (pun absolutely intended), I couldn't help but spill the tea to my bff. I casually dropped, "Hey, you know I've got this ultra-cool vibrator, and I've gotta write about all the wild ways I use it!" She honestly wishes that her job was this cool too!
It has been a pleasure guys, XOXO.
About the Author
Hemali (she/her) is an explorer of the realms of sexuality, intimacy, and dating. She talks endlessly about the evolving landscape of feminist narratives on the big screen and makes you reanalyze the portrayal of women in mainstream culture. If you're looking for alternative conversation starters, take your pick from: Biryani, Art Fairs, or Spoken Word Poetry.
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