As a concept, sex toys in India have existed ever since and even before Kamasutra came around – somewhere between 400 BCE and 200 CE to be precise. These sexual aids were made of materials that ranged from wood to rubber and were used by men and women alike. Why then, a centuries-old pleasure practice today, triggers the insecurities of men as not being adequate partners?
Before we dive into this complex question, let's get started with the basics and dive into a quick breather about vibrators.
What are vibrators and massagers?
Vibrators, also known as personal massagers, or intimate massagers are an expansive category of sexual aids used for enhancing pleasure by stimulating different erogenous zones and parts of the body like the clitoris, penis, vagina, nipples, etc.
They come in a wide variety of shapes, forms, sizes, materials, and features right from clit stimulators to g-spot vibrators (popular massagers for women or vulva-havers) and strokers to prostate massagers when we refer to sex toys for men or penis-havers.
The best part about introducing intimate massagers to your sexual routine is that you get to indulge in it for your solo sessions or take your sex life to a new height with a partner. And guess what?
You’ve arrived at the right destination for we, at That Sassy Thing, have an array of exciting massagers for women and people of all genders that you or your partner can explore from!
If my partner owns an intimate massager, does that mean I’m not good enough?
Owning a sex toy in India feels like a big deal given how closeted our society is towards sex as an idea. People may get a vibrator for themselves as a matter of personal choice to experience more pleasure and make their sex life a lot more happening and enjoyable.
Even though there’s no easy one-size-fits-all answer to this question, what you should know is that vibrators are you and your partner’s companions (and, not competition) during sex.
Just as you enjoy a few extra toppings on your sandwich to make it all the more irresistible, think of intimate massagers as the zingy add-ons to electrify and elevate your sex routine together.
Vibrators are great, but shouldn’t I be the one to satisfy my partner?
One way to look at it is how society has conditioned us to view sex as being synonymous with intercourse. This adds a lot of pressure to penis owners in the experience that they ‘need’ to satisfy their partner.
What we don’t realize is that female pleasure has often been neglected as an active part of the pleasure discourse for decades now.
You don’t have to look that far, maybe your own parents might not be able to define ‘pleasurable sex’ because they never had access to credible knowledge, resources, or tools that could help them view sex as an experience to be savored rather than a ‘duty’ or ‘chore’.
In fact, did you know that as per a survey, 81.6% of women cannot orgasm through penetration alone and need some form of clitoral stimulation to climax? This creates a disparity or gap in the experience of pleasure for those people who have a penis and the vulva-havers, also known as the orgasm gap.
Here’s a super quick refresher on all things orgasm gap by the incredible educator, Karishma Swarup (better known as @talkyounevergot on Instagram):
An intimate massager does have a place of its own in the sexual repertoire for many people, but it is definitely not a replacement for the physical touch, connection, and intimacy you may share with your partner.
Here are 10 reasons why your intimate massager will never replace a partner:
- Touch Matters: All things considered, the feeling of having access to your partner’s body, being able to hold them in your arms and touch the most intimate parts is unparalleled and simply cannot be compared to using a massager for women.
- The Joy of Giving: While a sex toy may offer a lot more sensations than your partner’s hand, to be able to experience your lover going down on you, or pleasuring you is something that is unique and deserves to be cherished.
- Of Love & Lust: Sure, having a sexual appetite for one another can really get you going in an instant. But, a relationship is built on so much more than just sexual experiences, orgasms, and the availability of vibrators.
- Intimacy isn’t Just Sexual: An intimate massager cannot flirt with you, make you breakfast in bed, go shopping with you, or even build a life with you if you’d like. And so, in no way, it can be a substitute for your beloved special someone(s).
- Your Body is Art: Vulvas or penises come in all different forms and their aesthetic appeal adds to your sexual experience. Looking at your partner’s private parts can be highly seductive, and a huge turn-on for a lot of people! Your sex toy might be a cutie, but your partner is the beauty!
- RSVP: The magical aspect of every sexual experience regardless of the position or the play, is the way someone’s body responds to your actions. Your vibrator may make you feel things in a hundred different ways down there, but it can never replace moments like your penis-owning partner getting hard for you while they’re inside of you.
- There for You: To take charge of your own pleasure and what pace or stimulation works for you can be extremely liberating. Not all partners can make you feel that way, but an intimate massager gives you that control. But, a partner can potentially anticipate your needs, reactions, and body language in bed.
- Awesome Threesome: You can always include your partner’s toys in the different acts, right from fingering, blowjob, and nipple play to even penetration. You can work in perfect harmony to give yourself and your partner a blissful, toe-curling, and sexy memory to hold onto!
- Everybody Wins: Contrary to popular belief, toys are for everyone! So, why look at it as a violation when both you and your partners can pack your drawers with your own set of toys and play in unison?
- Complement, Not Replacement: Lastly, and to put it simply, vibrators aren’t supposed to fill in for a person. The essence of a partnership or relationship lies in the way we experience attraction, fall in love, find ways to express it, and even go through heartbreaks. These are life-changing events that teach us to love ourselves better and cater to our needs. If that includes getting yourself an intimate massager, be it!
What’s the Big Picture?
While it’s understandable how men might feel substituted or intimidated by a simple pleasure tool that has empowered people of all genders to experience multiple orgasmic feats, this is also indicative of the larger problem—internalized gender-based expectations related to sex and a lack of healthy communication between partners about their sexual needs. Also read this blog on the best sex toys to enhance your sex life. Click here for more.
But, the good news is that vibrators are avant-garde and on Team Make-your-Partner-Happy-in-Bed!