There’s a special kind of exhaustion that arrives when sex stops being about desire and starts being about… deadlines.
Not the “ugh I have a presentation tomorrow” kind, but the “your LH surge is peaking, come home now” kind.
If you’ve ever stared at your partner mid–ovulation-calendar panic and whispered,
“Babe, this feels like an exam,” you’re not alone. TTC sex (Trying To Conceive sex) has a way of turning even the horniest couples into project managers with performance anxiety.
The Baby Pressure Olympics™
In India, you don’t just “decide to have a baby.”
You announce it to the invisible committee of aunties, uncles, family friends, neighbourhood aunties, maid aunties, your boss, your boss’s wife, and the uncle who sells coriander downstairs.
The pressure comes from everywhere:
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“Abhi toh shaadi ko time ho gaya.”
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“Don’t wait too long, haan?”
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“Beta, career-career baad mein bhi ho jaata hai.”
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“Have you tried turmeric milk?”
Meanwhile, you’re just trying to figure out: “Are we even enjoying sex anymore?”
Joint Family Life: Passion With Guest Appearance by Ten Witnesses
Trying to be intimate while living with parents or in a joint family is like attempting to steal a kiss in a convent school.
You’ve got:
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Thin walls
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Doors that are never fully closed
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Random kids running in and out of the house
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Family members knocking on your door for no reason
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And the constant, omnipresent fear that someone will shout: “Why is the music so loud in that room?”
Even if you want to have spontaneous sex, spontaneity needs to book an appointment first.
Now add ovulation schedules to that?
Yeah. RIP libido.
Why TTC Sex Feels… Mechanical
When you’re trying to conceive, intimacy shifts from desire to duty. You start having sex like you’re clocking into a shift.
Ovulation Day 12: Report for duty.
Ovulation Day 13: Quickie in the name of science.
Ovulation Day 14: Baby-making marathon.
Ovulation Day 15: “I can’t feel my legs. Find someone else. Forget about me.”
And somewhere between temperature charting, doctor’s visits, and Google searches like “Can stress delay ovulation?”, the thing you used to do for pleasure starts feeling like a biology practical.
It’s emotional, frustrating, and unsexy as hell. And it’s normal.
So How Do You Deal With This?
1. Communicate Like You’re on a Team (Not in a Timetable)
TTC can bring up fear, disappointment, frustration, guilt, shame: the whole emotional thali.
Talking honestly about what’s stressing you, what’s working, and what feels forced helps you stay connected even when the sex feels scheduled.
2. Create Non-Sexual Intimacy (Especially On the “No-Baby-Making Days”)
This is huge. Couples who reconnect outside the fertile window often find their physical chemistry returns too.
Small things matter:
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Showering together
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Watching something snuggled up
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Massages
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Slow dancing in the kitchen
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Cuddling without the pressure of “performing”
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Tickle fights
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Taking out the time to just talk, without any expectations.
It resets the relationship from “We are trying for a baby” to “We still love each other, and find each other sexy as hell.”
3. Make Room for Play Again
If every sexual moment becomes a task, the body remembers it as stress.
Reintroduce:
Sometimes desire comes back the moment you stop chasing it with a calendar.
4. Adjust Expectations Together
TTC journeys are rarely linear. Some couples conceive in a month, while others take a year. Some might take even longer.
Knowing you’re going through it together helps protect intimacy from disappointment.
Real Stories From Couples
A couple from Pune told me they started scheduling “No Baby Talk Sundays.” No ovulation chat. No charts. No pressure.
Just movies, food, and cuddles. They said it brought back desire faster than any fertility hack.
A Bangalore couple began writing tiny notes to each other: flirty, stupid, affectionate, and leaving them around the house.
The notes weren’t sexual, but intimate. Their “fertile window anxiety” reduced dramatically.
One Delhi couple said that shifting focus from “We must have sex today” to “Let’s do something that makes us feel close today” completely changed how they approached both intimacy and fertility.
Conclusion
Trying to conceive is a beautiful intention wrapped in an emotionally messy reality. But your relationship doesn’t have to lose its spark along the way.
Intimacy (emotional, physical, playful) is something you can protect and rebuild even in the middle of ovulation alarms and family expectations.
And remember, intimacy after childbirth is a whole new messy, tender, and surprising journey of its own. And it’s completely normal!
And when you do reach the baby stage, remember: intimacy after childbirth is its own beautiful chaos. If you ever need guidance later, these pieces might help you navigate that new chapter with a little more grace (and a lot less panic):
For now, be kind to your body, gentle with each other, and open to the idea that intimacy evolves, and that’s not a loss. It’s a sign you’re growing together.
About the Author:
Madhu (she/her) has been an avid reader of all things spicy since her childhood. She writes sassy blog posts and listicles now so that others may benefit from her wholly inappropriate, wholly informative tastes, too.
