TL;DR: Mutual masturbation is when partners pleasure themselves together, either side-by-side, while watching, guiding, or touching each other. It can help couples reduce performance pressure, understand each other’s bodies better, build intimacy, and explore pleasure in a low-pressure way.
What is mutual masturbation?
Let’s clear this up first, because people hear the phrase and immediately picture awkward eye contact and accidental elbow collisions.
It’s when two people masturbate together, either side-by-side, watching each other, touching themselves at the same time, or sometimes even masturbating each other. That’s the basic meaning of mutual masturbation.
And despite the weird reputation it gets, mutual masturbation is actually one of the most intimate forms of mutual sex out there. Because unlike performative, goal-oriented sex, this is mostly about observation, curiosity, and staying connected to pleasure without pretending you magically know how the other person’s body works.
Which, frankly, is refreshing.
Why May is Masturbation Month (And Why It Matters)
Yes, Masturbation Month is a real thing.
It started in the 1990s as part of broader sex-positive education efforts after U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders publicly stated that masturbation should be discussed as a normal part of sexuality. America reacted normally to this information, by which I mean… absolutely not.
But the point of Masturbation Month still matters:
Which makes mutual masturbation surprisingly perfect for it.
5 Reasons to Try Mutual Masturbation This Masturbation Month
1. It teaches you what your partner actually likes
A shocking amount of partnered sex is just people guessing confidently.
Watching your partner touch themselves tells you what they like: their rhythm, pressure, pacing. You get to see what they avoid, and what makes them melt into the mattress like emotionally overwhelmed butter. One of the biggest benefits of mutual masturbation is that it removes the guesswork without turning intimacy into a TED Talk.
Sometimes penetration feels like an event that requires:
Meanwhile, mutual masturbation can feel playful, low-pressure, and weirdly grounding. For many couples, especially in long-term relationships, masturbating together feels easier than trying to force “perfect sex” after a long workday and two existential crises.
3. It builds intimacy without requiring the same level of arousal
This is huge for mismatched libido situations.
A lot of couples' mutual masturbation works because both people can stay engaged without needing identical levels of desire or energy. One person can receive. One can watch. One can guide. It creates connection without forcing synchronicity. Intimacy works better when everyone stops trying to choreograph it.
4. It helps you stay connected to your own body
A lot of people unconsciously perform during partnered sex.
But partner masturbation shifts attention back toward: “What actually feels good for me?”
Which sounds obvious until you realise how many people are mentally directing, producing, and starring in sex simultaneously. No wonder everyone’s tired.
5. It can genuinely improve your sex life
Many therapists recommend mutual masturbation because it improves communication, reduces anxiety, and increases familiarity with each other’s arousal patterns.
Translation: your future orgasms may benefit from this research and development phase.
How to Actually Try Mutual Masturbation
If you’re wondering how to mutually masturbate, the answer is honestly: less choreography, more curiosity.
Start simple. Lie beside each other, touch yourselves, kiss occasionally. Talk if you want, don’t if you don’t.
Some people like eye contact.
Some prefer dim lighting and emotional support darkness.
Some end up transitioning into other forms of mutual sex.
Some don’t.
There is no “correct” script here. And despite what the phrase sounds like, masterbating with a partner does not require dramatic porn-level confidence. You are allowed to feel shy. Most people do initially.
What If It Feels Awkward at First?
It probably will. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because being watched while experiencing pleasure can feel surprisingly vulnerable.
A lot of us grew up absorbing the idea that sexuality should either be:
So yes, your nervous system may briefly react to mutual masturbation like you’ve accidentally been asked to present a PowerPoint naked. That settles with comfort and repetition. Usually.
Mutual Masturbation in Long-Term Relationships: Why Therapists Recommend It
In long-term relationships, sex can quietly become predictable, rushed, or weirdly goal-oriented
That’s why sex therapists often recommend couples’ mutual masturbation exercises. It helps couples slow down, reconnect with curiosity, and observe each other without defaulting to the same routine every time.
One of the underrated benefits of mutual masturbation is that it creates novelty without requiring acrobatics, expensive lingerie, or pretending you suddenly became a different person after watching one Instagram reel about “spicing things up.”
Common Myths About Mutual Masturbation
“It means the sex is bad.”
No. Sometimes it means the communication is good.
“It’s only foreplay.”
Not necessarily. For some couples, mutual masturbation is the main event.
“It’s less intimate than penetration.”
Honestly? Watching someone pleasure themselves comfortably can feel more intimate than half the sex people are currently having.
When to Skip It (And What to Try Instead)
If either person feels emotionally disconnected, pressured, deeply self-conscious, or actively uncomfortable being observed… then forcing partner masturbation probably won’t help.
Instead, try:
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making out without expectations
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showering together
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sensual touch without orgasm goals
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parallel play with less focus on watching
Pleasure works better when nobody feels like they’re being graded.
If you want to make mutual masturbation feel a little less “so… do we just start?” and a little more playful, props can genuinely help.
Pussies & Ladders by That Sassy Thing is basically foreplay disguised as a board game: teasing, dares, tension, chaos. Great for couples who need a softer runway into intimacy instead of immediately freefalling into eye contact and vulnerability.
And if you want hands-free stimulation during partnered play, Thrill Couple Massager by That Sassy Thing works really well during mutual masturbation because it keeps sensation going without either person needing Olympic-level wrist stamina. The remote vibrates too!
Which honestly feels like innovation.
Final Thought
The best thing about mutual masturbation is that it replaces performance with observation.
No mind-reading.
No pretending.
No Olympic-level sex expectations.
Just two people being curious about pleasure together.
Which honestly feels a lot closer to intimacy than half the ‘optimized’ sex advice currently floating around online.
FAQs
What is mutual masturbation in a relationship?
It’s when partners masturbate together for shared pleasure, intimacy, or exploration.
Is mutual masturbation considered sex?
Many people consider mutual masturbation a form of mutual sex, though definitions vary.
What are the benefits of mutual masturbation?
The main benefits of mutual masturbation include better communication, reduced performance pressure, and increased body awareness.
How do couples mutually masturbate?
Most couples masturbate together by touching themselves side-by-side, watching each other, or incorporating touch and guidance.
Can you get pregnant from mutual masturbation?
Pregnancy is unlikely unless semen comes into contact with the vagina.
Is mutual masturbation healthy and safe?
Yes. Mutual masturbation is generally considered a safe sexual activity.
How do I bring up mutual masturbation with my partner?
Try honesty without making it dramatic: “I think it could be fun to try sometime.”
