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How to Rule the Bedroom: A Guide to be a Dom

How to Rule the Bedroom: A Guide to be a Dom

I was attending a wedding a couple weeks back. The bride and groom took center stage for the age-old tradition of post-ceremony games. But here's the twist: these games are mostly centred around who will reign supreme in the marriage? As I watched the fun competition unfold, an intrusive thought struck me: could this be a playful predictor of who might take charge in the bedroom? Ah, if only unraveling the dynamics of dominance were as simple as winning a game of ‘who will find the ring first’. 

What does it mean to be sexually dominant or a dom? Well, in simple words, one who likes to dominate and take charge. In an intimate encounter, both the parties like to engage in a way they like regardless of gender or sexual preference. People may like either dominating or being dominated. Those who like the former, are called submissive, or subs, and the latter are called doms.

Having a sexually dominant side in the bedroom is sometimes mistaken for being unkind or disrespectful to others, but that's far from the truth. Being assertive doesn't alter your personality; it simply reveals another aspect of who you are. It's like tapping into a stronger, freer part of yourself that was always there, just waiting to be set free.

Bursting some myths on domination 

It's so strange, isn't it? These power dynamics in the bedroom can be completely unrelated to how we act in our everyday lives. Take, for instance, this shy guy I once dated—barely a trace on social media and hardly saying a word in public. But when we got intimate, he surprised me by taking charge. When he whispered "beg for me”, I was instantly thrown off the edge! He enjoyed being dominant sexually, and as a corporate girl-boss, I loved being submissive. From my own experience and what I've heard from friends, it's clear that people can have such different personalities in bed, and that's what makes it exciting and hot.

Now let's talk about stereotypes, shall we? The role of a dominant partner is often linked to penis-owners. Whether it's attributed to biology or psychology, there's a common assumption that being a dom comes naturally to men. On the other hand, the idea of a female dom during sex might raise more eyebrows, as it's not typically seen as a default expectation.

Sexologist Elvis Munatswa says that most men think sex with a sexually dominant woman in the bedroom can make them feel emasculated.

“Having sex with a dominant woman challenges the idea that men are mighty in bed, and men see her as having the potential to emasculate or humiliate them in times of non- performing or below-par performances," Munatswa says.

While this may be true, there are men who love seeing the women take charge. The India Talk Sex subreddit is also often filled with people asking how to tell their wives or girlfriends to be a dom because they like it. 

Exploring your dominant side

So how do you explore your dominant side? And especially if you're traditionally seen as the submissive type in relationships? Sex with a dominant woman is as tabooed as it is desirable. Breaking free from those expectations is empowering. The desire for dominance or submission isn't bound by gender or sexual orientation—it's all about what gets you going. Start by reflecting on your desires and fantasies—what scenarios or dynamics pique your interest? Remember that famous Rihanna song?

Feels so good being bad

There is no way I am turning back 

Well, that's how being open to desires and experimenting with it can feel like.   

If you're feeling nervous or unsure, it's okay to start slowly and gradually ease into the role of a dom. You don't have to dive into intense BDSM activities right away. Begin with small gestures or commands during intimate moments to gauge your partner's reaction and comfort level. Before engaging in any BDSM activities, establish safe words and boundaries with your partner. This ensures that both of you feel safe and respected throughout the experience. 

Take the time to educate yourself about BDSM practices, safety protocols, and communication techniques. There are plenty of resources available online, including articles, books, and workshops, that can provide information and guidance.

And I cannot stress on the importance of clear communication. There should be no space for ambiguity, and you can ensure that by having open and honest conversations with your partner about your interests and boundaries. Experiment with different roles and power dynamics in a safe and consensual environment. Remember, being dominant sexually doesn't mean being disrespectful or controlling; it's about mutual trust, respect, and pleasure for both partners. 

Dom role-plays and scenarios 

Exploring dominant role play and scenarios can be an exhilarating journey of self-discovery.. Incorporating water-based lubricant gel, bondage scarf, vibrators and sex toys into your play can create a more immersive experience. Whether it's commanding your partner's movements with silk ties or teasing them with a feather tickler, the possibilities are endless. Role plays can range from traditional BDSM scenarios like teacher/student dynamics to more creative fantasies like doctor/patient or spy/interrogator. 

When exploring physical dominance in the bedroom, it's crucial to prioritize safety and mutual enjoyment above all else. Positioning plays a significant role in establishing dominance, with options ranging from straddling or pinning your partner to the bed to assuming control over their movements. Restraints, such as handcuffs, silk ties, or bondage tape, can intensify the experience by adding a sense of vulnerability and surrender, but always ensure they're used responsibly and with consent. Sensory play, involving the use of blindfolds, feathers, ice cubes, or other props, can heighten anticipation and arousal, enhancing the overall experience. Check out our tie, water-based lube, taco and candy massagers to bring more excitement in your experiments, 

Again, like I’ve said again, discuss boundaries, safe words, and desired outcomes with your partner beforehand to ensure a mutually enjoyable experience. Aftercare is equally important, providing emotional support and physical comfort to both partners post-play. Indulge in some cuddling, affirming words, hydration, and allow space for reflection. 

How to balance

Sex is exciting when both the partners care for each other’s pleasure. Which is why maintaining balance and mutual respect is non-negotiable. We're talking about acknowledging that both partners have needs, desires, and boundaries that deserve to be recognized and respected. Regular check-ins, discussing what floats your boats and what doesn't, and being able to voice concerns without fear? That's the foundation of trust. And hey, outside the bedroom, let's not forget to keep that equality and respect vibe going strong. Show some love and appreciation, throw in some acts of kindness, and create a space where both of you can be yourself. 

And for all my ladies out there, being a female dom during sex can come with its challenges. First up, confidence is your best accessory, so wear it proudly. When it comes to taking control, remember that consent is your co-pilot—establish boundaries and safe words for a smoother ride. Don't forget to prioritise self-care along the way, because a badass dom needs to recharge too. 

Ultimately, the key is to create a safe and trusting environment where you and your partner feel comfortable expressing your desires and exploring new dynamics together. Enjoy the journey of self-discovery and intimacy!

FAQs on dominant sexually in bed :

What does it mean to be sexually dom as a female?

Being sexually dominant as a female means taking control and asserting power in consensual sexual encounters, often directing and guiding the experience according to personal desires and boundaries.

How can women communicate their desire to be dominant in the bedroom?

Ladies, just talk it out! Share your kinky dreams, set boundaries, and make sure you're both on board. It's all about communication and having fun!

Are there different levels of dominance that women can explore?

Absolutely! From light teasing to full-on power play, women can explore a range of dominance levels that suit their comfort and desires in the bedroom. Just figure out what feels right for you and your partner.

What are some ways women can assert dominance in the bedroom?

Take the lead, use verbal commands, and explore bondage or role-play to assert dominance in the bedroom.

Is it common for women to enjoy being sexually dominant or being a female dom?

Yes, many women enjoy being sexually dominant, embracing their role as a female dom for pleasure and empowerment.

How can women ensure that their dominant play is safe and consensual?

Women can ensure safe and consensual dominant play by communicating openly with their partner, establishing boundaries, using safe words, checking in regularly, and prioritising mutual respect and pleasure throughout the experience.

What if my partner is not comfortable with my desire to be dominant?

If your partner's not vibing with your dominant side, have a conversation about it. See what are the concerns, find common ground, and maybe dip into some other fun stuff together.

Where can women find resources and support for exploring their dominant sexuality?

Ladies, dive into online/reddit forums, books, or workshops on BDSM and kink. Connect with supportive communities or seek out a sex-positive therapist for guidance and exploration.

As you embark on this journey into the realm of sexual exploration, you're delving into a world of passion and intimacy where desires are embraced. If you're eager to expand your knowledge and understanding of sexuality, check out our blogs, "Can Old Women Have Sex?" and “Dangers of unprotected sex” Our platform serves as a resource for those seeking to broaden their horizons and deepen their understanding of diverse sexual experiences.

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About the author :

Disha (she/her) believes she's half therapist because people spill their guts to her with ease. But for now, she's writing sassy pieces on the internet about all things fun and pop culture. With a flair for wit and a curious spirit, she is all about digging into the saucy details of human intimacy. 

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