Let’s Say the Quiet Part Out Loud

At some point in a long-term relationship, the butterflies stop doing somersaults and start paying rent.

You still love your partner, you still choose them.
You just… don’t always feel sparkly about it.

And then February rolls in with heart-shaped pressure and couple reels and prix-fixe menus, and a small voice in your head goes:

Shouldn’t we be more excited than this?

Let’s normalise something right now: boredom in long-term relationships is common. It’s not a red flag. It’s not a moral failing. It’s not proof you “fell out of love.”

Most of the time, it’s just routine fatigue wearing a dramatic disguise. Honestly, one should consider themselves lucky they have the privilege of being bored with their loved one.

Love didn’t disappear.
Novelty did.

And Valentine’s Day? It can be less of a pressure cooker and more of a pause button.

A moment to look up from autopilot and go, Oh hi. You’re still my person. 

Why Boredom Sneaks In So Quietly

Long-term love is built on safety. Unfortunately, safety and novelty don’t always sit at the same table. Your brain is wired to notice new things. Newness equals dopamine. Predictability equals calm. 

Both are good, but they feel different.

So when your relationship becomes predictable, your brain sometimes labels it as “boring” instead of “secure.” Just neuroscience being dramatic.

Add adult life to the mix: work stress, chores, family WhatsApp groups, leaking taps, and romance slowly gets replaced by logistics. Who’s picking up groceries? Whose parents are we visiting? Why does the gas cylinder always finish at the worst time?

Many of us grew up seeing marriage as responsibility first, romance second.

So when love becomes practical, our brain thinks something is wrong.

Sometimes it’s just adulthood arriving. You’re not less in love, babe. You’re just more tired.

Why Valentine’s Day Feels Weird for Long-Term Couples

For new couples, Valentine’s Day feels momentous. For long-term couples, it's a comparison.

You start measuring if you are doing enough, trying enough. You start looking at other couples, wondering if they are more in love.

Instagram doesn’t help. It’s a highlight reel of curated romance, well-lit desserts, giddy couples dizzyingly in love, and at least one dog in a pink tutu.

Meanwhile, real love often looks like, “Did you take your vitamins?”, asking your partner to text you when they reach home, them ordering food for you.

One Reddit user once writes, “I love my wife deeply. I just don’t feel fireworks every day. Mostly it feels like coming home and taking off my tight shoes.”

That’s comfort in its natural habitat.

Valentine’s as a Pattern-Breaker

Think of Valentine’s Day less as a romance exam and more as a pattern interrupt. A small break in routine makes you actually look at each other again.

And desire needs attention the way plants need sunlight.

You don’t need violins. You need presence.

Even tiny shifts can feel intimate when routine has taken over. Try dressing up a little for each other. Sitting closer than usual. Talking about something other than bills and schedules for once. Remembering how you flirted before life got busy

Romance stops feeling magical when no one tends to it (plants and Wi-Fi have similar complaints).

Ways to Rekindle Without Making It Weird

1. Playing Sexy Strangers

Meet at a bar or café like you don’t know each other.
Flirt. Be mildly ridiculous.
Remember Phil and Claire in Modern Family? It works because it lets you step outside your usual roles.

One woman wrote online:

“Pretending to be strangers reminded me my husband is actually hot, not just the guy who forgets to buy coriander.”

2. Revisiting Early Days

Look at old chats. Old photos. Remember how you used to talk to each other when everything felt new.

Nostalgia is chemistry’s quieter sibling.

3. Micro-Dates

Not big plans, just a walk after dinner. Dessert at midnight. Coffee on the terrace.

Ten unhurried minutes often land better than a grand gesture done because a calendar told you to.

What Not to Do on Valentine’s When You Feel Distant

1. Don’t Force Passion

Forced passion feels a bit like fake laughing at a boss’s joke. Your body knows.

2. Don’t Compare to Instagram Couples

You’re seeing their best 5%. Not their Monday moods and passive-aggressive silences.

3. Don’t Treat the Day as a Love Test

Love isn’t proven in 24 hours. It’s built on ordinary Tuesdays.

4. Don’t Ignore the Day Out of Spite

“I don’t care about Valentine’s” sometimes means “I care but I’m tired.”

There’s a difference.

The Real Thing Nobody Says

Long-term love isn’t sustained by constant excitement. It’s sustained by returning to each other, again and again, even after dull phases.

Some seasons are passionate. Some are practical. Some are just quiet companionship.

All of them are love.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to resurrect butterflies. It can simply remind you why you chose each other when the butterflies first landed.

Closing: Permission to Be Ordinary and Still In Love

If your Valentine’s looks like takeout, shared memes, and falling asleep mid-movie, that’s still intimacy.

If your romance feels calmer than it used to, that doesn’t mean it’s fading. It might just be maturing. Love isn’t always fireworks. Sometimes it’s background music you only notice when it stops.

So maybe this Valentine’s isn’t about doing more. Maybe it’s about noticing what’s already there.

And giving it a little fresh air.

About the Author

Madhu (she/her) has been an avid reader of all things spicy since her childhood. She writes sassy blog posts and listicles now so that others may benefit from her wholly inappropriate, wholly informative tastes, too.