So, you’ve swiped, matched, and are now staring at your phone like it personally owes you emotional stability. Suddenly you’re questioning life, grammar, and whether “Hey” is too desperate or too unoriginal.

Congratulations! Welcome to the feeding frenzy of dating apps. Where everyone wants to stand out but nobody knows what the hell they’re doing.

Sometimes you type “hey”, look at it like it’s a bomb, and delete it before sending.
Sometimes you match and forget how English works.
Sometimes you panic so hard you open Instagram instead.

In India, there’s extra seasoning in this panic meal. We overthink the first message as if it’s a marriage proposal, not a chat. “What if my mom sees the screen?” “Will my pronouns make sense?” “What if they hate coffee?” are all real.

Relax. Breathe. Sip water. Let’s get you typing something cute, confident, and maybe even a little flirty.

Why Your First Message Actually Matters

When you slide into someone’s inbox, you only get one shot at a first impression. It’s not just “hello”. It’s a vibe check. A tiny preview of your personality.

Think of it as:

“Hi, I’m interesting. Please don’t throw me into your archive folder.” A good opener can spark interest, show your vibe, and maybe even make the algorithm gods smile.

Conversely, a generic “Hi” (or suss, copy-pasted line) disappears in that infinite scroll abyss. You want to stand out in a sea of “hey,” “what r u doing?,” and “what’s up?” That’s why some creativity and a tiny bit of courage pay off.

Also, tone matters more than you realise. Lighthearted, friendly, a bit cheeky sets the stage for a chat that feels human, not robotic. And no, you don’t need to be Shakespeare. Just… be a little more fun than a government form.

How to Drop That First Message With Some Confidence

Read their bio (We’re Begging You)

If their bio says they love memes, drop a meme reference. If there’s a photo of a travel destination, ask what they loved most about it. It’s not very complicated.
Generic openers are boring; something personalised gives you a spark of originality. It says: “I looked. I’m interested. I’m not a bot.”

Ask a question, not “Hey how are you?”

Think open, playful, slightly flirty.

• “What’s your toxic trait? Mine is matching and then forgetting to reply for 8 hours.

• “Which song are you currently obsessed with and should I judge you for it?”

• “What’s the best meal you’ve had in Delhi?”

These give space to reply beyond “Fine.”

Keep tone light, avoid being creepy

Flirty doesn’t mean creepy. Flirty is:

“Should we skip small talk and jump straight to sharing our worst date stories?”

Creepy is:

 …you already know what creepy is. Don’t.

If their bio is blank, improvise

No bio? No problem. You can riff off something from their pictures, or go for a universal but interesting opener:

“Are we matching because of vibes or because the dating pool is tiny?”

“Important question: pani puri or golgappa? Your answer decides our fate.”

“Honest question: do you actually have queer-friendly taste in music or is it Spotify propaganda?”

It’s random, light, and gives them an easy doorway to reply.

Conversation Starter Styles That Work

(Depending on What You Want)

• Compliment-based (non-cringe): “Your smile in that travel photo is so cute! What’s the story?”

• Flirty but safe: “If we were to get lost in a city, what snacks should we hunt first?”

• Bold & direct (for confident energy): “You seem cool! Want to grab a drink and judge people together?”

• Culture-specific glances: “Which unchangeable Delhi habit do you swear you’ll carry wherever you go?” / “You pick: biryani or butter chicken?”

• Playful randomness: “Hypothetical: you get one superpower for a day. What is it and why?”

• Random-chaotic: “If aliens landed tomorrow, do you think you’d be abducted first or last?”

The goal: pique curiosity. Not scare them. Invite a smile, or a pause, not a block.

After the First Message: Keep the Conversation Flowing 

Once you’ve landed a reply, treat the chat like a casual coffee, not a job interview. Match their energy. If they send one-liners, don’t reply with an essay; if they share stories, respond with something small and personal.

Drop small stories, tiny revelations, half-flirty jokes.

Ask open-ended things. Share little details. Resist the urge to over-text if they’re slow. Leave space. Let the chat breathe. 

What to Avoid

(Because We’re Tired of These Mistakes)

• Creepy sexual innuendos in first messages… grow up.

• Copy-paste lines: people can smell them.

• Panicking when they take 2 hours to reply. People are busy, lives are messy.

• Trauma dumping when they asked, “How’s your day?”

• Sending 7 texts in a row. No, not even if Mercury is in retrograde.

There’s a difference between enthusiasm and entitlement. Respect that.

The Chat Died! It’s Not Always a Disaster

Chats die. It’s fine. It doesn’t mean you sucked, or they did. Maybe you were both busy. Maybe the vibe wasn’t right.

You can revive it with:
“Hey stranger 👀” or “A meme I think you deserve.”

If they still ghost — shrug and swipe. Treat it like a missed bus. Sure, it’s annoying now, but there will be other rides (pun intended).

Basic Safety Reminders

Keep things on the app as long as possible. Don’t share personal info too soon. Watch for red flags: over-eagerness, refusal to video-call or chat on call before meeting (especially for queer people).

Check for consistency. Don’t ignore the warning signs just because you badly want a date.

Video-call before meeting.

If you’re queer, trust your gut twice as hard, and walk away from anyone who’s evasive, flaky, or weird about identity. As our blog on queer dating points out: apps can be fun, but they can also be weird for people outside the cis-het bubble.

Conclusion

You’re Not Awkward, You’re Just Out of Practice

Talking to someone on a dating app doesn’t need to be nerve-wrecking. It’s not luck, it’s practice.

Be a little silly, a little bold, a little flirty.

Sometimes you’ll get a slow shuffle. Sometimes a fast-paced banter. Sometimes nothing at all. And that’s okay.

Worst case? They don’t reply.

Best case? You get a date, a story, or a situationship you’ll roast later.